The Dithering of a District Diva

Clink, Clink!

Ever since I wrote “Twisted: Why God’s ‘No Marriage, No Sex’ Rule is for Protection and Pleasure, Not Punishment,” I’ve received so many emails from people struggling with this issue.  We are sexual beings with sexual desires –however, as single people, it is so important to remember that this is not ALL we are! Through Christ, we can live a life that is free from sexual sin. Here are 5 tips for celibate living:

1) GUARD YOUR GATES: The reality of 21st century America is that EVERYTHING is wrapped up in sex. No wonder it is so difficult for us to keep our minds off of it. But when there is a gospel song set to the tune of R. Kelly’s “Bump ‘n Grind,” you know the Enemy is on the prowl! As I discussed in “No Marriage, No Sex,” sexual sin starts in the heart (Matthew 15:18-20). That’s why it is so important to guard all the gates to your heart: your ears, eyes, and mouth.

• Ears: Believing that music only impacts the “weak-minded,” is one of the greatest tricks of the Devil.  There is a reason it’s called “baby-making music,” my friends. Make a playlist of songs that will not trigger sexual desires (I’ve officially retired Maxwell’s BLACKsummers’night. I CAN control the feeling :-)) and ONLY listen to those songs, if you can help it. Even better, make a worship playlist. Everything is better when you’re focused on how awesome our God is! Here are some songs on my worship playlist:
  • “He Wants It All” — Forever Jones
  • “Give Me” — Kirk Franklin
  • “The Blood” — James Fortune & Fiyah (if you like the old skool)
  • “I’m Running” — Mary Mary
  • “Everything to Me” — Tye Tribbett

(email me diva@dcdistrictdiva.com for more!)

• Eyes: In 2008, after watching the entire Sex and the City series — all 6 seasons, back to back, over the course of three weeks — I started to believe that maybe pre-marital sex wasn’t that big of a deal, and maybe that Samantha was on to something. Everybody’s doing it, after all.  (-_-) Our society is sinful, and it is VERY big on normalizing sin. That’s why we have to be so careful about what we watch and the ideas we consume via television, magazines, and books (put DOWN Zane — not just to avoid triggering temptation, but also because you deserve to read better writing than that).
  • Obviously, the club should be out: curiously, there’s something about the mixture of alcohol, short dresses, and baby-making music that causes people to fall into sexual sin…whodathunkit?
  • Pornography, as well, should obviously be out.
• Mouth: Put an eye on your lip and watch your mouth! Sexting should flat out be out of the question, but even flirting should make you cautious. You don’t want to unintentionally find yourself in a situation that will make celibacy more of a challenge than it has to be. Also, I’ve heard certain foods are aphrodisiacs. I won’t recount them here, but if they were aphrodisiacs for you, you’d probably already know which foods I’m talking about. If you do know, avoid them! Alcohol should only be consumed in moderation, as well. Just You’ve got to be in your right mind if you are going to effectively guard your gates.

Know your triggers! The Devil certainly does, and he will keep knocking at the crack in your foundation until you crumble.

2) PRAY: You can do your very best to guard your gates, and somehow, temptation still seeps in.  That’s why we must pair proactive gate-guarding with preemptive and continuous prayer.  Christ warns us in Matthew 26: 41: “All of you must keep awake (give strict attention, be cautious and active) and watch and pray, that you may not come into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.”  Thankfully, Paul reminds us in Philippians 4:13 that we can do ALL things through Christ who gives us strength when we are weak. Pray this simple prayer: “God, please transfer my unholy desire I’m struggling with into a holy desire for more of You. Let me yearn for you, and seek after you, and thirst for you more than I thirst for sin. Let me crave righteousness and a closeness with you more than I crave unholiness.” Isaiah 58:11 says that “the Lord will guide you and continually satisfy your desire.”   He will do just what He says.

But if that’s too much to remember, you can always cry out, “Oh, Lord!” and He’ll know what you’re trying to ask Him. Anybody who has worked in an office with me or sat near me during a law school exam knows that I’m good for randomly and without control crying out “Oh, Lord!” every now and then. Sometimes, that’s all you have to say, and God knows what you need. Remember: He will never allow us to be tempted beyond what we can bear (1 Corinthians 10:13)

3) READ: For awhile,  I was reading the entire book of Ephesians as a daily / weekly meditation, because it speaks exactly on the issue of sexual immorality and overcoming temptation — AND it’s only 6 chapters! It flies by. If that’s too much, read Romans 6, a good reminder that Christ has freed us from ALL sin, including sexual sin, and that we do not have to be ruled / led by our desires.  I also recycle this list of scriptures whenever temptation is knocking on my door:

• “Blessed (happy, to be envied) is the man who is patient under trial and stands up under temptation, for when he has stood the test and been approved, he will receive [the victor’s] crown of life which God has promised to those who love Him.” James 1: 12
• “Now if [all these things are true, then be sure] the Lord knows how to rescue the godly out of temptations and trials, and how to keep the ungodly under chastisement until the day of judgment and doom. 2 Peter 2: 9
• “For we do not have a Christ Who is unable to understand and sympathize and have a shared feeling with our weaknesses and infirmities and liability to the assaults of temptation, but One Who has been tempted in every respect as we are, yet without sinning.” Hebrews 4: 15

It’s also sometimes easy to forget WHY we’re doing this. Read my post on what our sexual sin does to God, ourselves, and our partners.

4) INVEST IN A PRAYER PARTNER / ACCOUNTABILITY PARTNER: When I was younger, I got mocked and made fun of by peers for my decision to live a celibate life. It is a VERY hard thing to keep up when literally no one else in your circle –even other Christians– are trying to live this way. It has only been very recently that I’ve been blessed to know other women who are living a celibate life. We are able to encourage each other in this area of our life, discuss our struggles and share tips with each other, and most of all PRAY for each other. It is so wonderful to know that I’m not fighting this spiritual battle by myself because there are others who are praying with me and for me daily to win this battle. Knowing I can text or call my prayer partners / accountability partners when I’m having difficulty in this area of life and knowing that they will open up their mouths and PRAY for and with me, has made a world of difference. God knows that we are human, and sometimes we need a flesh and blood representative of Him to speak to us in a form that we’re used to and build us up in our time of need. How GREAT is our God to us?! Gotta love Him.

5) GO TO SLEEP! Maybe y’all have never been broke in college like I was broke. But there’d be nights when I was so hungry that all I could do was go to sleep. It was then that I learned that sleep is a stop-gap for MANY things. It is a gift from God.  When temptation for sexual sin gets to be too much and all else is failing, my prayer partner and I HIGHLY recommend praying your way right on to SLEEP! Problem (temporarily) solved 😀

We will always face temptation; that is not a sin. Succumbing to temptation is the sin. We can plead with God to permanently remove temptation from us, but just as Christ told Paul when he pleaded with God to take away the “tormenters of Satan”:  remember, God’s “grace is sufficient for you, for [His] power is made perfect in [our] weakness.”  So we ought to say what Paul said when we face temptation: “Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

Let’s all keep each other in prayer as God frees us from the prison of sexual sin and grants us perfect peace and satisfaction beyond all understanding.  How are YOU dealing with celibacy?

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