Love Jones Is Why We Can't Make It Nowhere As a People
Friday night, after much prodding from my friends on Twitter, I finally watched the movie Love Jones — hated it. *wrist flip*
**disclaimer***If Love Jones is like that man who does you dirty but nobody can tell you anything about him because you LOVE HIM, OK?! then this post is probably not going to be for you.
For years though, the good people of Negroland have been singing this film’s praises, dubbing it their all-time favorite movie, and even consider this film a classic, the epitome of a perfect romance. So imagine my blank stare when I finally sit down to watch it, expecting to see what love is, and discover that this is just a movie about two beautiful horny people who do a whoooooooooooole lotta vertical and horizontal dancing. Seriously, I will buy a cupcake and ship it to anyone who can tell me what these two people do besides have sex, talk about sex, eat omelets after having sex, argue about sexing other people, and go dancing as a prelude to sex.
Throughout the film I was questioning where is the love?! Sadly, the film never answered this question:
Exhibit A: We meet Darius and discover he is passionate about poetry and writing. We are told he’s good at it, but never really see the evidence — except for the audience erupting in cheers and oooohs and aaaahs when he recites his poem (about sex) like something real dope had just happened. (-_-) But that’s another story. So Darius’ first real play for Nina (we’re going to ignore the wack scene where he spilled her wine that was supposed to show how shaken up and nervous she makes him) is a poem he recites about having sex with her, though he just met her ten seconds prior. Though the screenwriter is clearly trying to make us believe that Darius had “love at first sight,” with Nina, it is clear that all Darius really had was a pants tent.
Thankfully — and this is one of MAYBE three good messages in this movie — Nina does not seem impressed by his vivid and public discussion of what sex with him would be like for her, and she walks away without giving up the digits or the drawers. This was a brief bright spot. On to:
Exhibit B: After Darius steals Nina’s address and phone number off of a check she wrote to a record store and randomly shows up at her apartment (note: THIS IS STALKING, PEOPLE, NOT ROMANCE!) she lets him in her apartment (OMG!!! WTDTA?!) and then is so impressed with his talk of George Bernard Shaw that she agrees to go on a date with him the next night. The date consists of going to a dinner party at his friends house, where the entire group conversations consisted of vulgar and open talk of sex and sexual organs. Then, Dr. Burke from Grey’s Anatomy proceeds to bang on a drum which inspires a dinner guest to bust out in an African dance. Admittedly, I was 12 years old in 1997, so I don’t know how they did it back then, but I went to a dinner party last night. None of us Negroes managed to bust out in African dance. And, surprise surprise, our entire conversations did not revolve around sex. In fact, I don’t think it was brought up at all. Imagine that? But I’m digressing. After sex talk, Darius (with an offensively bad Jamaican accent) asks Nina to go dancing at a Reggae spot where they can “feel a little bump ‘n’ grind.” That actually happened. They go dancing and then they go have sex after their first date. “Animal Magnetism,” sure. Love? Not even close.
Exhibit C: The next morning, Darius has not run away (victory!). Not only that, he wakes up before Nina and cooks her an omelet. Not hitting and running is not grounds for celebration. Neither is the fixing of breakfast. This is just a guy expressing happiness over having enjoyable sex — “great” sex, as Nina described it to her friend the next day. And yes, that was all she described to her friend the next day. She said “Don’t even get all geeked up ’cause this is nothing serious. This is no love thing; me and Darius are just kicking it.” Darius echoes the exact same thing to his friend the same day. Unfortunately, the masses who hail this movie as a great love story ignored these truthful statements.
Exhibit D: These people know extremely superficial things about each other and generally discuss their life and interests in the context of sex. As explained above, Darius shows his passion for writing by writing about sex. We know Nina is passionate about photography, but the only way it is really discussed by Nina and Darius is in the context of sex. “Take off your clothes, I want to take your picture,” strictly for her private collection. And then they have sex.
Darius thinks she is beautiful and says as much to her. He’s also admitted to his friend that he really likes having sex with her. But, what else? Why does he like her, let alone love her? He tells his friend that Nina is “the one,” and writes in his book dedication that she helped him get to the next level…but how? And when? And where was I when it happened?
Nina has also admitted to “having a really good time,” for a few weeks with Darius (to which he responds “we aim to please,” clearly speaking of himself and his penis, further proving that the “really good time” has been all about sex). What else does she like about him? She tells Darius that she “really cares about” him, but who knows why? As a sort of contrast, I suppose, the screenwriter introduces Nina’s ex-fiance’ who admits he is “no good with words,” so we can guess that because Darius is a poet and a writer (and therefore should be ‘good with words,'” that’s the difference between Darius and the ex-fiance’. But who knows. If you can’t vocalize what you love about the other person besides your sexy time, there’s an excellent chance you do not love that person.
Exhibit E: When Nina leaves Darius for her ex-fiance’, Darius immediately goes out and sleeps with someone else (for revenge? who knows.) Then Nina leaves the fiance’ for Darius but when Darius has moved on to some other girl, she starts dating his friend. They annoyingly break up and make up and break up again a few times, but in none of these situations do Nina or Darius ever put aside their own wants/needs/desires to help the other reach his/her highest good. In fact, I can only think of ONE time where Darius showed any sign that he loved Nina, and that is when he walked her to a cab to make sure she got home safely even though he was mad at her. Then, he proceeded to curse at her and disrespect her in other ways — like randomly kicking her out of his house after a minor, stupid fight. And she’s no better; She never did ANYTHING to show that she was willing to sacrifice herself for his best good, either. Yet, way too many people deem this a love story, which proves nothing except that WAY too many people have no concept of what love is. If you cannot put aside yourself/your feelings/ your wants/ your needs to seek the best good of another person, then you do not love that person. The example is Christ: As 1 John 3:16 explains Christ put aside His freedom in Heaven to confine Himself to a mortal body, He laid down His LIFE to seek OUR best good. That’s what love is. If your man or your woman isn’t doing that for you and you’re not doing that for your man or your woman, LOVE DON’T LIVE THERE ANYMORE, and probably never did.
But even if you’re not Christian / don’t hold Christ as the ultimate example of what love is, surely you must believe that love is deeper than sex. Without the slightest bit of irony, the character Wood voices the question I ask about this and every other so-called “classic” Black film: “Why does it have to be about sex all the time?!” But, to be fair, the screenwriter was absolutely NOT deceptive in his titling of this movie — it is unequivocally a movie about folks with a jones for lovin’. The only problem comes into play when my good people of Negronia idealize such a movie as the prototype for what love is or should be.
Alas, like the singer in the opening credits of this movie croons, “They say I’m hopeless, like a penny with a hole in it.” Though I don’t believe we are hopeless, I do believe if we keep equating sex and lust with love, we won’t make it nowhere as a people…
I live-Tweeted my first full viewing of Love Jones. It was painful. Read it here.
I’ve never seen the movie but according to your review I really don’t need to. So many peoples’ views of love are distorted because they equate love with sex.
Sorry Diva I think you are doing a disservice here… and I HAD to write something even though the original post was from several years ago. This isn’t a “love” story… “it’s a falling in love” story. They actually don’t even say the word love out loud until the end of the move! The whole move is about them realizing that they are not “just kicking it” and that this “Jones” that they are feeling is more than just sex… its love. And if you look at the clues, it gives a blue print to why most people don’t fall in love, as opposed to settle for a lukewarm version of it (eh em… Savon’s marriage, Nina’s engagement to the light-skinned dude, and Darius’s … D’s… player lifestyle).
1. Bar Scene: People (black women in particular…yeah I said it) are so judgmental when it comes to first impressions. When Nina and D first meet he is doing ok until he spills the drink. Nina now thinks he is “played-out like an 8track” as her girl says… harsh. But D gets his swag back right after… (perhaps with an assist from his boy)… with dope poem…yes, about sex about with her, but it gets her attention. So while Nina doesn’t think he is wack anymore, she does however think he is a player… which is why she kinda gives him a pat on the back outside but doesn’t give him her number. If Nina doesn’t say anything to D at the bar they never meet. If D doesn’t name that poem after Nina, they never speak again.
Ding Ding Ding: They make their first few connections. 1) they like poetry 2) they are both are confident. Nina for opening the convo. D for naming the poem after her onstage.
2. Record store/Nina’s apartment scene: Nina shuts down D again. Doesn’t give him the number. She closed off… guards up, maybe because of the light skinned dude (ex boyfriend), maybe because she still thinks D is a player, but she is wondering. If D is not persistent (and sure he is displaying stalker behavior, which is a big risk… and that is the point actually) enough to get the address and pursue her they never go out on the date. As creepy as that sounds, we all display stalker behavior when we want something…like when you are about to buy a new car or preparing to interview for a job.
Ding Ding Ding: They find out that they are intellectually equals. Music store – They listen to the same type of music, and can break in down on an intellectual level. Ninas apt – they trade philosophical quotes and witty banter. At this point they are falling for each other and don’t even realize it.
3. Fast forward to the “first break up”. Nina’s ex nigga (and its always an ex-nigga if she is a good girl) comes back in her life and stirs up a bunch of old shit. And now she is begins to question whether she should pursue an undefined romance with D or a safe and secure relationship with “light-skinned dude (LSD)”. Nina’s mistake was not getting closure with LSD, before falling hard for another guy… but she didn’t plan for that… that’s the point of falling… you don’t see it coming. D did good by letting go figure out where she wanted to be, but played it TOO cool by not staking his claim.
Ding Ding Ding: By the time they get to the second breakup. It appears as though they have a ton of shit in common. There both artsy and dig writing. They can hang in the same friend circles. They both chi’ town step. And they both smoke. Do you know how hard it is for a smoker and non-smoker to be in a relationship!!!???
4. Second “break up”. This is after they have been dating/kicking it for a while and The “Jones” comes down. Not the “love” jones, but the “jones” (this is what Savon is talking about in the pool hall, but the “jones” he speaks of is the infatuation/sex phase). This is an example of why the film is so dope. Poetry has a small cameo appearance in the movie… but the whole film is really just a poem. There are all these subtleties that help tell the story and like poetry, you have to have the creativity and imagination to read between the lines. Its not going to be obvious… its not supposed to be.
They break up again because their careers and immaturity pull them apart. The timing wasn’t quite right. But a year later after they accomplished their career goals and grow up a little, they began to feel the “Love” Jones…. That “Damn… I miss my best-friend”. There first real show of non-verbal love… D’s book dedication to Nina. And Nina’s love poem dedication (she throws away the book out of frustration because she poor’s her heart out and D wasn’t there to hear it… so for a split second she gives up on love like so many people do. Luckily D happen to be there that night… and he heard her… which prompts the D’s key note monologue at the end of he movie.
Lesson 1 – Communicate. If you like somebody like that and don’t want them leave. You have to say how you really feel. Stop trying to save face.
Lesson 2 – You have to be brave enough to say or do whatever for someone you truly care about, even if you risk looking like a fool or stalker. You can’t be afraid to look like a fool
Lesson 3 – At some point it can’t be about “me” anymore. Go be selfish and accomplish your dreams as early as possible it will be tough to do that in a relationship without the relationship suffering from lack of attention. Love is about serving the other person, not about what the other person can do for you. With love, everything can’t and won’t be on “your” terms… a reoccurring theme in the movie.
Lesson 4 – Biggest one for me. Look for someone you have a lot in common with. After the sexual infatuation fades (and it will fade) you are left with the person…you are left with the friendship. Your closest friends are usually those you have the most in common with.
Again to summarize the movie is about that the reason that they are drawn to one another is more than just a sexual connection. Sexuality actually plays the part of the antagonist or villain here, which is why it has such a prevalent part in the movie. The protagonist would be the main characters “commonalities” serving as a catalyst for true love. They are connected because of intellect, emotion, interest, lifestyle, music, and culture (black culture). If you missed all those things looking for love (which again doesn’t show up until the end of the movie) then you missed the movie completely. Movies like “No Strings Attached” and “Friends With Benefits” didn’t come out until 2011. “Love Jones” came out in 97’. This movie was ahead of its time!
I recently started seeing a woman that I met in grad-school. She had a man then, single now, and we click (can’t explain it). There is a real opportunity for us to explore the “possibilities” (If you don’t know what that means, yet another point you missed). We are both pursuing each other persistently, boldly, and stalkerishly… and I am sure we both feel a little foolish for putting ourselves out there like that but… fuck it… lets see what happens. One of my best friends, a little older than I, used THIS move to psychoanalyze my situation with this girl…and truthfully there is game to be had (lessons to be learned) in this movie, and the insights are relevant if you are looking through the right frame. Sinicism isn’t one of them.
And common! “Urgent like a mutha-fucka” is the dopest line you have ever heard in a romance film…
I disagree that the “Commonalities” you mentioned have to do with what love is. All those things they can do, and enjoy, if the other were 1,000 miles away.
Love is a verb, not a feeling.
You can do every aspect of Love for a person without being “Romantically In Love” with someone. For example, people sacrafice their own lives for people they don’t know all the time. The person who pushes another out the way of a speeding car for example. Sacrafcing your life is one of the greatest acts of Love a person can exhibit. You can also do an assortment of other things without actually being romanically involved.
Emotional attachments and why and how they occur are a thing of wonder. For whatever the reason, Darius wanted to swap chemcials with Nina. He was nervous because he wanted it so bad. Just like some people would be nervous walking up to a celebrity from whom they’d love to get an autograph.
At some point, because Nina had a really good time and was proably in desperate need of a really good time considering her last boy friend, she became interested in swaping chemicals with Darius.
At this point they have a choice, they can make the exchange (give in to lust / physical selfishness) in which their emotions drive them to constantly relieve their sexual tension because the chemicals in sex are addictive as hell or they can use that spark to nurture a relationship in which their emotions drive them to perform actual acts of love for each other so much so that they are driven to spend the rest of their lives together.
Now, at any point during the process they can go back and forth between the two choices but, if they want to put themselves in the best possible position to have a great relationship they will the latter.
But we all know which one the chose. The end result, is everything these two get a feeling, they have to relieve it because that’s what they have trained themsleves to do. Then, when they are done, they can talk about how great was the relief. The love part of the relationship never really gets developed.
The only saving grace I see is that this is a hollywood film and in many cases they give us a then layer of cake and the rest is icing. Perhaps the acts of Love were just too boring to put in the movie.
@Concerned Black Citizen
Preach!!
Glad to see there are those who “get it”. I hope the relationship you were considering/pursuing at the time worked/is working out the way you wanted.
Urgent like a muthaphukka is better than anything Shakespeare ever left us. finger snaps here
peace
Have your own opinion, ones person perception is not your reality.
I actually love the movie. Not because I see it as a love story, but because it’s an everyday story; the nuance of man and woman trying to develop something between them and in particular a black couple. I actually “got it” the first time I saw it in 1997. I knew, and I’m sure some of family and friends who have seen the movie and love it knew, that the term “love jones” was about the desires of the flesh. Need I remind you of Method Man’s verse from All I Need? – “I got a love jones for your body and your skin tone Five minutes alone I’m already on the bone Plus I love the fact you got a mind of your own No need to shop around you got the good stuff at home”
And if I can recall, the movie was marketed as a romantic comedy and called “the hip When Harry Met Sally” and basically… it was a different version of it; different story line, but same plot.
I think so many people love it, for the same reasons that females (black, white, Latina, Asian) fall over Carrie Bradshaw and ’em. We’ve experienced or know someone that has experienced that moment of “love jones” – that strong yearning for someone -and if we are willing to admit it or not, we love the “glamour” of the “romantic” gestures and drama the movie presents. Yes, getting Nina’s info off a check is stalking, but we know for this it’s entertainment. Hopefully anyone out here knows that if that were reality that is a cause for alarm, but that’s the writer creating that entertainment; going for the gasps and the “oh word? he was bold like that?” reactions from the audience. And while Darius and Nina’s dialogue didn’t present a real deep intellect type of thing, 1). it was to further show that they were trying to make their connection all about the sex at first and 2). the more time they spent together (via the montage) it’s implied that something beyond sex connected them a bit more, which is why they were confused. This happens!!
You do bring up valid points, especially with the age-old point of how people confuse lust for love. And any real Christian knows that God IS love. (I actually not long ago has a discussion about this over Jill Scott’s song “Hear My Call” with a friend and on how we love the song, but it can be misleading.. same with this movie) However, love jones is just a display of two people trying to develop love for each other out of their lust that they initially established. So yes, the bulk of the movie focuses on the desires of the flesh. However, by the end the audience is left hopeful that Darius and Nina finally stopped playing games, stopped being in denial about some (perhaps confusing) developing feelings and decided to start over and try love and not lust. In reality, sometimes people do work backwards (if you will) like that. Now how long does it last…..let them tell it.
It’s understandable that you and some others don’t like the movie, but I don’t think it’s something that will hinder people in making progress. LOL If someone is looking at this movie as a prototype – as some look to the Carrie and Big thing as a prototype – then yes, an intervention is needed. There are too many good stories black and non-black, true and not true, that can inspire. It’s all about the individual and how open they are to learning and listening, especially in regards to how open are they to letting God (aka Love) guide them.
I 100% agree with your assessment of the “love” in this film and 99.13490 percent of other black movies. I loved Love Jones as a youth, but I’d never watch it today, much less recommend it.
However, I do feel that Love Jones a “classic” in its genre. For one thing, this movie showed black people in a different light–2 young, educated, complicated (if not trife @ some points) black characters who were artists. They were cultured–fluent in Gordon Parks, George Bernard Shaw, Duke Ellington, Sonia Sanchez, etc.
I’ve yet to see another romantic film starring “boho” blacks. Nobody got shot, robbed, arrested, had baby-mama-drama, wore multi-colored weave or spoke in some “dialect.” Just in that respect, Love Jones totally eclipsed its contemporaries. As a reminder, 1997 also brought us Booty Call, BAPs, How to Be a Player, Sprung… need I go on?
For another, this movie is a PERFECT example of worldy “love!” PERFECT, I say. As you said, it features break ups to make ups, self-seeking motives, proud behavior, handing out sex like handshakes, etc. The lies folks tell themselves: we can ‘kick it’ without getting emotionally attached/she’s just a friend/it’s okay to have an ambiguous “relationship,” etc. But that’s 97% of romantic comedies produced in the US, not just black films.
Though you & I know what true love is, is it fair to judge this film by a standard that it never set forth? I mean, at any point in this movie, did any of the characters profess any belief in God, much less saving faith in Christ? Besides Wood’s offhand remark about parking his hearse up front at church & Darius’ lines about Yemeya/Oshun/Jehovah, God never even get a shout out in that joint! I’m not surprised it’s a broken/fallen mess.
Do you think it at least has value as a cautionary tale? Lol. At least give Darius credit for
stalkingpursuing Nina. (Running through the train station?!)Thanks for reading and commenting, everybody!!! @Mahoganie: the reason for my watching Love Jones and subsequently writing this post is because of the comment “Love Jones makes u want true love,” which was echoed by MANY MANY MANY people. And yes, many many many people think Big and Carrie are a cute way to live in real life. Sadly, our society is actually shaped by what we saw on t.v. and in the movies — particularly our ideas of what love is, which is why we are consistently disappointed in relationships that don’t give us what we expect them to. (see one of my first posts ever on The Notebook: “The Dopebook” http://www.dcdistrictdiva.com/?p=14).
@Henny yes! I think it’s fair to challenge this film’s label as a “classic Black romance.” I definitely offered what love is from a Christian perspective because that is the way I view life and have yet to find a greater explanation or example of love, but I offered this only as an example of how much better love COULD be, an encouragement for all of us to aim higher. Even by worldly standards, isn’t there more to love than sex??? Also, “It’s better than BAPS” is not a good enough argument to convince me that we should consider this a classic! LOL. But I really can’t think of any other film that showed successful Black people not shooting things up or fresh out of jail or hoodrat-livin, but is that all there is? Particularly with all the stereotypes of Blacks as animalistic and hypersexualized, this movie just served as an example that even if you’re not a thug or a baby mama and you’ve somehow managed to make something of your life, you still just revolve around sex. That is unfortunate, not an accomplishment!! Even by worldly standards, there must be more to life than this emptiness…
ANd NOOOO did you read my live-tweet of Love jOnes! I DIED when he ran through that train station, knocking people over and not saying i’m sorry or excuse me or anything. What a keeper!!! And I’d agree, everything IS probably “urgent like a m-fer” when you wait til the last minute to do something you should’ve done earlier. That’s not spontaneity — that’s just poor planning!
Peace. I haven’t read all the comments, so forgive me if I repeat what others have said. First, I was never a fan of this movie. I watched it a few times, laughed at some moments and jus sat back and observed the others. Blah, it’s whatever to me. That being said, and perhaps you even hinted at this, but your problem isn’t so much with the movie, but with the reception of the movie.
It’s one of those movies I don’t argue about. When somebody brings it up as “the greatest black love story ever told”, I jus nod my head and wait for the conversation to change. Why even argue? The movie itself isn’t terrible, parts of it are good, but as “the greatest black love story ever told”, I think it’s rather disappointing. Perhaps if you didn’t watch it through such a skewed lens, you might have received it differently. Who knows?
All that being said, the dinner scene is actually one of my favorites in the movie. I used to say that when you put men and women in the same space for a long enough period of time, the conversation always leads to sex. Perhaps this is an exaggeration, but I do think there is some truth to it. Maybe the conversation won’t be about sex directly, but to see it lead toward a discussion about love and relationships is not exactly far fetched. Also, I was at a dinner in the summer and put on this Gabor Szabo record. Now, he’s not African. But the first two or three minutes of the song is this nice African drum groove, and one of the dinner guests got up and did a little African number I suppose. Not sure if she was inspired by Love Jones (the thought hadn’t crossed my mind up until now), but it was cool to see and it was appropriate given the mood.
Good review, tho.
Pingback: Love Jones Is Why We Can’t Make It Nowhere As a People
i actually found that love jones was JUST LIKE so many other black movies that claim to have ‘values’. soul food. the brothers everything. its all ‘sex’ before love (if love ever arrives). and we’re spining lies to ourselves if we think that these movies set us apart from the mainstream. whether black or white. mainstream or independent, its all the same set of lies. girl meets boy. boy sleeps with girl. boy and girl decide if they like each other later. maybe if we’re lucky, boy and girl get married. such lies.
@Bengemin it really does make me feel a little better about that scene to know that it actually happened somewhere in real life. It just seemed soooo random and out of context to me. Maybe if they hadn’t been talking about how Isaiah Washington’s wife was a bad cook right before the dancing started, it would’ve made more sense…
@Majo definitely!! I go hard on The Notebook, a white “classic” too, in one of my first posts on this site! “The Dopebook”: http://www.dcdistrictdiva.com/?p=14
also want to add that the message you share is written with comedic flair. I really liked that!
I think the high point of the movie is the fact that we are watching two regular people. All to often Black people (in film) are either rich/top of their career (unrealistic, at times) or are “poor” (stereotypes). Also in film they act as if White people don’t live in our world too lol. So I like Love Jones because the characters seemed realistic. They were just normal people, flawed? Yes, but normal. Normal people aren’t perfect.
I love this film… : )
The best thing about Love Jones was “The Sweetest Thing” by Lauryn Hill. And the poetry was wack, there I said it! I too watched this movie recently thinking I was going to go in to some epic love story and it turned out to be monkey sex and irrational relationship woes.
Wow. What a great post. I feel sorta bad now for modeling a tiny part of my swag on the nefarious habits of Darius. Thanks for the sanitation. Great read, glad to have found your blog.
Pingback: DCDistrictDiva.com
I totally agree with dcdistrictdiva. I also want to interject the fact that too many of us settle…that’s why” love jones” is favored, and true love is not understood.
Before reading this, I had always considered Love Jones one of the great black love films but when you really look at it – everything you said is totally accurate. It took me a while to actually watch the film because I despise spoken word with all my heart. But even with the film’s conclusion, I never got the feeling that Nina and Darius really knew each other. When you compare this film to Brown Sugar or even The Best Man, Love Jones really doesn’t hold up well in terms of character development. I wanted Sid and Dre to be together. I actually sympathized with Harper’s scrawny behind even after what he did to Lance. I think the film just gives you an unrealistic portrayal of what love is.
Another recruit!! My work here is done 😀 Thanks, Steph!!!
Pingback: Our Lives Are Not Our Own: The Jesus in ‘Cloud Atlas’
Wow
Like chill it’s just a movie”made up” like who cares about all that stuff your just talking about pointless stuff,personall I just like the movie because of how much time they spend at the poetry club and acting like NORMAL people NOT actors.
This is a blog for deeper thinkers than that.
Whew, please forgive my long windedness (yes, windedness).
I wasn’t sure if I would comment on this as the original post is from 2011 but here goes. I was recently talking to a co-worker about Love Jones and its status in the black community. That conversation was sparked by Sam Jackson telling Will Smith the greatest black love story was already made, it’s called Love Jones. Whether Jackson is right or wrong, the general consensus is that Love Jones certainly is top 5, and probably top 2 among Gen Xers. Now in re: this review, a google search led me to this blog post and I respectfully disagree with DCDistrictDiva. Love Jones is a great love story and I’ll explain why in my verbose and humble opinion.
Love is oftentimes flawed. To expect perfection is unrealistic. Given the prominence of God in the author’s life and this blog I completely understand how a film such as this may be a turn off. But let’s think about it, if we took a religious approach, only God’s love is perfect and even his most devout of followers may experience doubt from time to time. Sometimes they run off and live a lifestyle that Christ certainly does not approve of, but, if they decide to return to Christ, He accepts them with open arms. Oftentimes what makes some people realize how important Christ is to them is when they are experiencing life without Him. And that goes for many circumstances where love is present. Love Jones is about the imperfection of love.
The initial euphoric stage of love is showcased prominently in the film with its abundance of sex. I can say that most relationships I have been in, long term relationships, there was an abundance of sex in the beginning. It happens. Again, love is flawed. And it is also susceptible to the things that causes those butterflies and euphoric highs that comes before the real work of love begins. Finding love is no different than a job interview, dating, networking or any other initial interaction between people. You can only focus on so much because not much has happened to warrant more attention so everything is superficial at first. If you thought so and so was fine and charming when you met him and that made you want to communicate with him more you wouldn’t necessarily classify that as love but infatuation usually precedes love. And once again, this can apply to a walk with Christ. In the beginning when you’ve given your life to God it can be invigorating and warm, but a walk with Christ is not a stroll; It’s a walk. A journey. It’s work. Just like any other relationship. It doesn’t have to be hard work, but it is work.
Another aspect that was prominent throughout Love Jones is pride. Pride does play its part in understanding love through recognizing when it inhibits love. Throughout Darius and Nina’s courtship they are employing pride and their unwillingness to be vulnerable. At first Nina doesn’t want to sleep with Darius, not because she has no desire to but because she is concerned about how it would look. How it would look? That’s pride. That’s trying to adhere to a standard that you feel will cast you in the best light. The bottom line is, they were two consenting adults who want to have sex. So have sex. And plenty of people have sex before love sets in. Pride continues to shroud their entire relationship. Darius was too proud to tell Nina he didn’t want her to go to New York. Nina was too proud to say that she wants him to ask her to stay. When Nina was in New York and Darius moved on to other women, that was his misguided pride at work. Darius was hurt Nina left, so he moved on to someone else to save face and numb the void. With love, you have to swallow that pride but for Nina and Darius it reared its head time and time again. And that’s why in that final scene that everyone loves where Darius finally proclaims his love for Nina expressing how important she was to him, that was when pride was kicked to the curb. He experienced life without her and that was not a life he wanted to live any longer. That was when love truly, truly emerged in the movie.
This movie is definitely about love. It shows how flawed the perception of love can be just like DCDistrictDiva said. It shows that many mistakes are made on the path towards achieving love. Of course only so much can be expressed in a 90 minute film but I believe Love Jones does a very good job of showing that getting to love isn’t easy no matter how good the sex might be.
Hey, Greg! Thanks for reading and taking the time to comment! I see what you’re saying about how pride prevents Nina and Darius from showing love to each other and I also agree that lust/infatuation are hallmarks of the beginning of a relationship and real love CAN still grow from that beginning. But I’m still not seeing any examples from the movie of what Darius or Nina did to show that they loved each other, other than what I stated in the post. Can you think of any?
Well it might seem minor but that scene where Bill Bellamy brought Nina to the party where Darius and all of their friends were which embarrassed Nina and Bill Bellamy refused to take her home. Darius walked with her to make sure that she got a cab home because he was worried about her. Despite all they were going through, arguing, being prideful, Darius cared about her safety and well-being.
Sorry Diva I think you are doing a disservice here… and I HAD to write something even though the original post was from several years ago. This isn’t a “love” story… “it’s a falling in love” story. They actually don’t even say the word love out loud until the end of the move! The whole move is about them realizing that they are not “just kicking it” and that this “Jones” that they are feeling is more than just sex… its love. And if you look at the clues, it gives a blue print to why most people don’t fall in love, as opposed to settle for a lukewarm version of it (eh em… Savon’s marriage, Nina’s engagement to the light-skinned dude, and Darius’s … D’s… player lifestyle).
1. Bar Scene: People (black women in particular…yeah I said it) are so judgmental when it comes to first impressions. When Nina and D first meet he is doing ok until he spills the drink. Nina now thinks he is “played-out like an 8track” as her girl says… harsh. But D gets his swag back right after… (perhaps with an assist from his boy)… with dope poem…yes, about sex about with her, but it gets her attention. So while Nina doesn’t think he is wack anymore, she does however think he is a player… which is why she kinda gives him a pat on the back outside but doesn’t give him her number. If Nina doesn’t say anything to D at the bar they never meet. If D doesn’t name that poem after Nina, they never speak again.
Ding Ding Ding: They make their first few connections. 1) they like poetry 2) they are both are confident. Nina for opening the convo. D for naming the poem after her onstage.
2. Record store/Nina’s apartment scene: Nina shuts down D again. Doesn’t give him the number. She closed off… guards up, maybe because of the light skinned dude (ex boyfriend), maybe because she still thinks D is a player, but she is wondering. If D is not persistent (and sure he is displaying stalker behavior, which is a big risk… and that is the point actually) enough to get the address and pursue her they never go out on the date. As creepy as that sounds, we all display stalker behavior when we want something…like when you are about to buy a new car or preparing to interview for a job.
Ding Ding Ding: They find out that they are intellectually equals. Music store – They listen to the same type of music, and can break in down on an intellectual level. Ninas apt – they trade philosophical quotes and witty banter. At this point they are falling for each other and don’t even realize it.
3. Fast forward to the “first break up”. Nina’s ex nigga (and its always an ex-nigga if she is a good girl) comes back in her life and stirs up a bunch of old shit. And now she is begins to question whether she should pursue an undefined romance with D or a safe and secure relationship with “light-skinned dude (LSD)”. Nina’s mistake was not getting closure with LSD, before falling hard for another guy… but she didn’t plan for that… that’s the point of falling… you don’t see it coming. D did good by letting go figure out where she wanted to be, but played it TOO cool by not staking his claim.
Ding Ding Ding: By the time they get to the second breakup. It appears as though they have a ton of shit in common. There both artsy and dig writing. They can hang in the same friend circles. They both chi’ town step. And they both smoke. Do you know how hard it is for a smoker and non-smoker to be in a relationship!!!???
4. Second “break up”. This is after they have been dating/kicking it for a while and The “Jones” comes down. Not the “love” jones, but the “jones” (this is what Savon is talking about in the pool hall, but the “jones” he speaks of is the infatuation/sex phase). This is an example of why the film is so dope. Poetry has a small cameo appearance in the movie… but the whole film is really just a poem. There are all these subtleties that help tell the story and like poetry, you have to have the creativity and imagination to read between the lines. Its not going to be obvious… its not supposed to be.
They break up again because their careers and immaturity pull them apart. The timing wasn’t quite right. But a year later after they accomplished their career goals and grow up a little, they began to feel the “Love” Jones…. That “Damn… I miss my best-friend”. There first real show of non-verbal love… D’s book dedication to Nina. And Nina’s love poem dedication (she throws away the book out of frustration because she poor’s her heart out and D wasn’t there to hear it… so for a split second she gives up on love like so many people do. Luckily D happen to be there that night… and he heard her… which prompts the D’s key note monologue at the end of he movie.
Lesson 1 – Communicate. If you like somebody like that and don’t want them leave. You have to say how you really feel. Stop trying to save face.
Lesson 2 – You have to be brave enough to say or do whatever for someone you truly care about, even if you risk looking like a fool or stalker. You can’t be afraid to look like a fool
Lesson 3 – At some point it can’t be about “me” anymore. Go be selfish and accomplish your dreams as early as possible it will be tough to do that in a relationship without the relationship suffering from lack of attention. Love is about serving the other person, not about what the other person can do for you. With love, everything can’t and won’t be on “your” terms… a reoccurring theme in the movie.
Lesson 4 – Biggest one for me. Look for someone you have a lot in common with. After the sexual infatuation fades (and it will fade) you are left with the person…you are left with the friendship. Your closest friends are usually those you have the most in common with.
Again to summarize the movie is about that the reason that they are drawn to one another is more than just a sexual connection. Sexuality actually plays the part of the antagonist or villain here, which is why it has such a prevalent part in the movie. The protagonist would be the main characters “commonalities” serving as a catalyst for true love. They are connected because of intellect, emotion, interest, lifestyle, music, and culture (black culture). If you missed all those things looking for love (which again doesn’t show up until the end of the movie) then you missed the movie completely. Movies like “No Strings Attached” and “Friends With Benefits” didn’t come out until 2011. “Love Jones” came out in 97’. This movie was ahead of its time!
I recently started seeing a woman that I met in grad-school. She had a man then, single now, and we click (can’t explain it). There is a real opportunity for us to explore the “possibilities” (If you don’t know what that means, yet another point you missed). We are both pursuing each other persistently, boldly, and stalkerishly… and I am sure we both feel a little foolish for putting ourselves out there like that but… fuck it… lets see what happens. One of my best friends, a little older than I, used THIS move to psychoanalyze my situation with this girl…and truthfully there is game to be had (lessons to be learned) in this movie, and the insights are relevant if you are looking through the right frame. Sinicism isn’t one of them.
And common! “Urgent like a mutha-fucka” is the dopest line you have ever heard in a romance film….
I loved your review. I thought this was a terrible movie. It felt confusing at times and failed to keep me engaged. I felt like an outcast bc I thought I was the only one who didn’t care for it until now. Thanks Google and thank you Author.
Pingback: Our Lives Are Not Our Own: The Jesus in 'Cloud Atlas' | Brooke Obie
The both downplayed their feelings to their friends because they were afraid and insecure that the other could hurt them because …..they were in love!!! Sure you’re right there was a physical attraction and sex too soon in the relationship but that does happen. Because the sex was great it can delude you into thinking it’s love . I’m not a black man (italian male) and possibly that disqualifies from this conversation but I do think this was a great love story because we have all been there where we were careless and lost that special someone. I respect your points about what love should be but many times real life does not allow it to develop in this gradual layered way.
Thank you for this, Diva. I was excited to finally watch Love Jones as a black rite of passage. Much to my dismay, it was a tale of sex and misogyny masquerading as a love story. I understand what others are saying that it was not intended to be a love story, rather a story about two people in a casual dating relationship who realize that they have real feelings for one another. I think what you’re questioning is what those “real” feelings are predicated on. I cannot agree more with your assessment of this film, and I’m really bummed that Love Jones didn’t live up to the hype.
I share your disappointment, Veggie! I do think it might have been the first time we got to see young Black characters in this way, so I understand why people are so attached to it. But still LOL! It’s disappointing.