Who Said Love Has to be Hard?
“And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.” It’s a popular scripture to quote, but do we really “know” that God is working everything together for our good? It’s one of those Christian truths that you can know intellectually but you really have to LIVE through some stuff and come out the other end to really understand how true it is.
Take this spiritual crisis I’ve been writing (and Tweeting) through for the past year or so, for example. It’s been painful and drama-filled and emotionally exhausting and I felt like quitting more than once. It is MUCH easier to accept mainstream narratives of Christianity without question or to just reject Christianity altogether than to study, explore and seek God’s face for yourself and don’t stop til you get what you need from Him. And in the process of all of this work, and it has been WORK!, I’m thrilled with what God is showing me about Him and about myself. God is truly working all of this together for my good and I love Him even more for it.
On the road to emotionally healthy spirituality, I’ve discovered another lie I’ve believed far too long. Somewhere long ago I decided that love had to be hard. If it wasn’t hard, then it wasn’t love. And by ‘hard,’ I mean, someone’s got to be begging the other for attention, affection, validation. You know you really love someone when you put in the serious effort to convince someone else that you’re worthy of their time, and you’re not going to give up until they see that.
So when I’d break up with guys and they weren’t begging me for another chance, I felt vindicated. See? They didn’t really love me anyway. They’re not interested in putting in the effort it takes to break down the walls I built for self-protection. And conversely, when guys did not value me the way I deserved to be valued and I felt strongly enough to make them see the error of the ways, I felt like, “This is it! This must be love!” Girl, stahpit.
Who said love has to be hard anyway? As it turns out, lots of people. From Romeo & Juliet and all of its progeny to examples of relationships I’d ingested growing up and existing in the world, clearly I’ve picked up some devastating ideas about what love looks like. And not just the star-crossed lovers or soapy love triangles where someone always gets hurt. Love, we’re taught, is tit for tat. You scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours. You stop scratching my back, we’re going to have a problem. Hard. Hard. Hard.
But that’s in direct contravention to what Christ says love is. Christ’s love for us is so unbelievably easy. You’re mine, so I love you. That’s it. That’s the deal. We don’t have to prove anything to earn God’s acceptance, it’s just ours. We don’t have to prove to God we’re worthy of His love. We just have it. We were born loved and to be loved. We are worthy of love just by existing. A Sunday Kind of Love. How easy is that?!
Was it easy for Christ to express that unconditional love? I don’t think so. He prayed three times that God would pass the cup of His crucifixion away from Him, but ultimately prayed, “Not My will but Your will.” He was disfigured with whips that had shards of bone woven into them, meant to tear apart the flesh. He was pierced with nails in both hands and feet and hung from a cross like a common criminal. None of that was easy. Similarly, we may be called to express our love for the people God has placed in our lives by losing our own, either literally or metaphorically by putting someone else’s needs above our own. Healthy relationships require regular maintenance and sacrifice. And that can absolutely be hard to swallow.
But the decision to love doesn’t have to be hard. We can just love. It doesn’t have to be based on certain conditions and it doesn’t have to be earned. We don’t have to force people to deserve it and we don’t have to prove to others we deserve it ourselves. No begging, no pleading, no manipulation necessary. It doesn’t have to hurt and it shouldn’t make you feel bad about yourself or not good enough. It.doesn’t.have.to.be.hard.! Love can just walk into a bar and ask to sit down with you and you can just say yes and it can be just that easy.
Love can be easy. And that’s GREAT news.
Need some good news? Email Diva AT DistrictDiva.com for encouragement or prayer requests.
Thank you for this post! I feel you 100% and while reading this, I couldn’t help but think of the Parable of the Persistent Widow…I think it’s time for me to get and stay in persistent widow mode concerning a few aspects of my life, but I believe a breakthrough is coming soon.
P.S. I didn’t find my church home yet…did you find yours?
I will keep you in prayer and may God continue to bless&keep you always in Jesus’ [Yeshua] mighty name! 🙂
Hi Cheri! I’m so glad you were blessed! I DID find a church home. I like my pastor a lot. He and his wife are pretty awesome people and I feel like I’m building community. It’s great! God is good. Thank you so much for praying with me! I’m praying with you too. All things done in Jesus’ name Amen!