The Dithering of a District Diva

“Love isn’t blind, it’s retarded”

Do most people “date in the dark,” or is it just me? Always a sucker for a gorgeous smile, I have a history of misdirecting my focus towards what is “good on paper” while ignoring what lies beneath (both figuratively and literally), completely raptured in a blind and lovely experience.

Until, of course, the inevitable happens—the truth escapes from its well-guarded prison—and I can no longer sit in blissful ignorance with this person who is just all sorts of wrong.

But this dating experience I just survived removed most all superficiality from me–a feat that horrible relationships with gorgeous men have, oddly enough, been largely unable to accomplish.

Admittedly, though, I did not rise above my own superficiality all on my own; no, I just went on the “ultimate blind date”: four girls, four guys, complete physical darkness.

The rules were that first, there would be one big group date followed by two individual dates. Relying solely on my senses of taste, touch, smell, and hearing, we were all supposed to decide who we wanted to get to know better. I found such a concept absolutely intriguing. Since I have sworn off actual dating until I take and pass the Bar–and oh yes, I am sticking to that vow–I was solely interested in the experience alone, the sociological experiment that I was a part of, (see what I do in the name of research just for you?) and I had absolutely no desire or hope to meet the future Mr. Diva at this event.

And I didn’t. But, it was a fascinating experience, indeed. The alias I chose for the night was Queen. To my pleasant surprise, the gentleman host of the evening–and owner of the D.C. home we were in–named himself “Prince,” because “[his] Father is the King of Kings.” Now y’all know I was no more good after that! (I’m telling you, there is nothing sexier on God’s green earth than a man who will proclaim that he loves Jesus in a room full of strangers. Not a single thing). But he didn’t stop there; he went on to describe himself with such articulation, such passion, that I was compelled to conclude: this was a guy I wanted in my circle.

Another guy who caught my attention called himself Poet, because he was a fellow writer and future book author, as well.

Oh, and there were two other guys there…Yeah.

After the group date came the “touch” portion of the evening, the part that I found most violating and uncomfortable. The guys all sat in a row and the girls stood behind them. We were given free reign to caress their faces, heads, ears, hair, neck, shoulders, check for adam’s apples (which, we did actually do! It’s D.C., after all, and a girl can never be too careful…). But my hands were not as free as the other ladies’, and I did little more than brush my fingertips across each of their jaw lines.

This kindness was not returned! The guys were all over my shoulders, neck, ears, face, hair, everywhere! No guy on a first date would have touched any of those areas, so I was really uncomfortable and actually hated being that intimate with complete strangers. I ended up blocking out the “touch” portion and thus cannot recall who was touching what when. So, I simply went off of hearing and chose my top two for an individual date.

Obviously, I chose Prince first and then Poet. The guys chose who they wanted, as well. To my pleasant surprise, my first date was with Prince. It was 5 minutes on a love seat in complete darkness. At first, I felt like a kid playing 7 Minutes in Heaven. But I really enjoyed the conversation we had and I loved how freely Jesus’s name flowed from his lips. Loved it. It was bible study this and men’s ministry that, and it was just wonderful to hear. I ate it up.

Of the four of us, I was the only girl who got a 2-for-2 when my second date turned out to be with Poet. I was interested to hear about the book he is writing, and I’m sure at some point he mentioned what it was about, but to be honest, I have blocked out that entire experience. The last question he asked me was “What’s your favorite book?” ANYONE who knows me or has been reading The Dithering, knows that my book of the moment is Eat Pray Love. He hadn’t heard of the book and as I proceeded to give him a synopsis, he interrupted me (um…what???). And he didn’t just interrupt me, he said: “Oh no, that sounds depressing, I don’t want to hear any more about that!” Qqqqqwwwwwwhhhhhaaaaaaaattttt???!! No you did not just interrupt me and then diss my favorite book! I was ready to go at that point and don’t remember a thing else that simple child said. Thankfully, the facilitator came in and said “this date is over.” You’ve got that right.

We did an unexpected third round of dating, apparently because there was a third person one of the guys really wanted to date. The third guy’s personality was the complete opposite of mine: very hyper, life-of-the-party kind of guy. Nice guy. Didn’t insult me, so all-in-all, it was enjoyable.

For taste, we sampled the food each person brought symbolizing an element of their personality.  The only interesting item was the meatballs someone had brought “because it takes a lot of balls for a guy to go on a blind date.” Riiiiiiiiiight. (<—This is another reason I’m withholding my dating from the world. I just can’t…)

We were supposed to be smelling each other on our individual dates, but thankfully no one was close enough to me to be smelled and no one was doused in cologne, so I happily skipped out on the “smell” portion of the evening.

Finally, we had the “grand reveal.” We all went back into the original room in our original seats and the lights were turned on. We were surprised. They were surprised. And we’ll leave it at that.

All things considered, it was almost liberating to just sit there and focus on a man’s voice (oh they all had deceptively sexy voices) and a man’s thoughts. To not have to question whether a guy is simply physically attracted to me was also immensely enjoyable. And also, there was this feeling of being chosen. I don’t know if its a woman’s thing or a person’s thing, but there is something to this idea that someone thought enough of you to want to get to know you better, even in the midst of a group of other people. Irrespective of the fact that I haven’t the slightest interest in dating at the moment, I was truly surprised by the relief I felt, knowing that the guys I had selected had also selected me.

Even in such a casual state, I am now fully aware of how sincerely I desire that mutuality, to have a guy I choose also choose me. A guy I love to also love me, and not just love me, but to match or exceed my love. I want to choose and I want to be chosen, not right now, mind you, but when I’m done growing into this woman I’m supposed to be.  At a time when I am so clueless about so many things in my life, it is simply lovely to at last be sure of something that I want. Especially when it comes to love.

***I give “Dating in the Dark: The Ultimate Blind Dating Experience” 3.5 out of 5 stilettos! And definitely recommend it to those in the D.C. area. There is another experience coming up in a few weeks and if you want to be a part of it, email me at dcdistrictdiva@gmail.com and I will send you the information.

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