The Dithering of a District Diva

If you’ve seen Gina Prince-Bythewood’s glorious film, Beyond the Lights, you’ve probably heard a snippet of Cynthia Erivo’s “Fly Before You Fall”. But it’s not until you hear the whole song that you’ll begin to understand why Erivo’s stirring words and sweet melody are what I think the voice of God sounds like–and it’s not just because of Erivo’s Heaven-sent vocal range. Listen to the lyrics:

Cynthia Erivo’s ‘Fly Before You Fall’ lyrics:

I see the way that you look when you hear his name

I see his picture up in your frame

You refuse to admit you still miss him but

It’s okay

Apropos for the movie, this song plays during the aftermath of the lovers’ break-up, but for me, this verse represents someone bearing witness to a person’s general, yet severe heartbreak, and that someone is acknowledging and validating the heart-broken person’s feelings, even as the person doesn’t want to acknowledge them, herself.

You’re a tower of strength when you’re breaking down

But through the wall I can feel your cry 

And when it’s quiet you’re screaming inside

And I break as

I hear you, loud as a bomb,

Wanting a shoulder to cry on

I hear you tumbling fast

Do you know how connected you have to be to a person to “feel” them crying?! This is nothing but a representation of God’s love for His children! While you try to hold it together in front of everyone, God not only feels you, sees you and hears you, but He “breaks” when He feels and sees and hears what we’re going through! Especially in times that are so low it feels like not even God is paying attention or cares how much we’re hurting, it is so comforting to know that God actually hurts when we hurt because He cares so much for us. When we’re suffering in silence, still, God hears us, “loud as a bomb”. We are not alone in our pain. He cares so much about our sorrow that He collects all of our tears in a bottle.

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Here and now you’re afraid

Don’t you worry, I’ll teach you to fly before you fall away

Every time in the Bible that God and Jesus encounter people, they both say, “Fear not,” or “Don’t be afraid”. It’s no wonder the chorus to this song and then the powerful bridge are the soothing words, “Don’t you worry,” and “Don’t be scared”. God is with us, “here and now,” even in our fear. That alone is good news, but it doesn’t end there; “I’ll teach you to fly before you fall away,” tells us that before things get too far gone, before you sink too low, before it’s all over and you fall away, I will equip you with all that you need to survive. Even if it’s one day at a time, I’ll give you just as much as you need to keep going, to stay hopeful, to know you’re not alone.

It’s in the moments when you’re left all on your own,

And it hits you from out of nowhere

You try to hide it sometimes unsuccessfully

With a smile that fades quickly

Your resistance to sadness is futile but

You’re a fighter can’t stand defeat

You’re a magician at hiding the hurt from you

But I see and

I hear you, loud as a bomb

Wanting a shoulder to cry on

I hear you, tumbling fast

Here and now, you’re afraid

Don’t be scared (x2)

This song came to me at a time I can only describe as despair. It came after weeks of feeling an unnameable kind of lonely, misunderstood, devalued and ignored. It came after weeks of saying out loud to God, “Are you even paying attention?! Do you even care?!” This song was the confirmation I had been longing for.

After discovering “Fly” and having its lyrics pour into my soul, there’ve been many insomnia-plagued nights where I’ve just played this on repeat and let God affirm me and validate me and love me until I fell asleep, comforted. It still represents comfort and peace to me–so much so that just hearing the opening chords cause me to tear up with gratitude in remembrance of God’s great promise to never leave us nor forsake us.

However long it took for this song to be written, produced and so staggeringly performed by Cynthia Erivo, God made it so that at just the right time, I would hear it and see Him and feel Him working behind the scenes, so far in advance, to be ready to meet me in all His glory exactly when I needed. I’ve never been more grateful or more sure of His perfect timing.

So, thank you, too, Cynthia Erivo, for this confirmation, for facilitating this new-found peace and for being for me the voice of God.

Catch Cynthia on Broadway in The Color Purple, with Jennifer Hudson and Danielle Brooks.

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