Everybody Needs a Stedman
At the DC stop of Oprah’s Life You Want Weekend tour a few weeks ago, Oprah said MANY amazing, uplifting things that I recapped for you on Guideposts.org. She is a treasure and I appreciate her light so very much.
But what has really stayed with me–mostly because I have never heard Oprah talk so much about him before–is what she said about her #Bae since way-back in the day, Stedman Graham. Two things Oprah shared about Stedman make him a very rare human being that everyone should hope to have in their lives.
1) Stedman understands how Oprah’s light works. Oprah said that she has been around people/men who question how anyone could stand in her impenetrable shadow. “I don’t stand in her shadow,” Stedman said. “I stand in her light!”
WHEW! I felt like running around the Verizon Center when she retold that story!
Do you understand how many people dim their light because there are people in their lives whom they love, who just can’t handle it? I’ve been told by a loved one, “You’re too much. I can only handle you in doses.” She said she went out and found a best friend who was “just like” me, but, “less…” me.
Years ago she said this to me, but it stays with me. I’m crying as I recall it because it did something to me. It made me shrink. It made me be quieter. It made me question and doubt everything about myself.
But thank God, I have some amazing friends and family in my life right now who see me as a bright light! Who share their light with me so that I can be brighter and share more light with even more people! Everybody should have at least one Stedman in their lives who recognizes their light is not a curse to those around them, but warmth, a blessed gift from God, to be nourished and not extinguished.
2) Stedman knows how to apologize. Another story Oprah shared with us is the day she spent hours and hours cooking a goose (or duck or something) that she had learned from Martha Stewart so she could make Stedman a nice, fancy meal. He had been out golfing during the day, but by the time the street lights came on, Stedman was still not home. He ended up coming home super late and with flowers, knowing he’d messed up, but Lady O wasn’t having it.
She communicated to him the root of the problem very quickly: By coming home so late and not even telling her that he was coming home later than expected, she felt disrespected and unappreciated for what she had been doing for him all day.
He did not explain or defend himself. I’ll repeat it because this is important: He did not explain or defend himself! Instead, he said, “I am so sorry. I will NEVER make you feel like that again.” It’s been years later, Oprah said, and guess what? “He never has.”
That’s amazing to me. Truly amazing that you can tell a person how they’ve hurt you and have that person say, “I’m so sorry. I will NEVER make you feel like that again,” and to have that person follow through? LISTEN. Carry me off the stage like I’m Fantasia if that ever happens to me.
Stedman’s example is an incredible challenge to us all. If we could all be Stedmans to the people in our lives, how incredible the world would be! What healing and wholeness would take place if we could do these two small things for each other!
Thank you, Oprah, for sharing Stedman’s light with us!