The Dithering of a District Diva

There are some things I want in life; scratch that, there is a MOUNTAIN of things I want out of this life. I’ve made a list. I’ve checked it thrice. And here it is, in no particular order:

•  I want to be a New York Times Best-Selling author whose books go on to become box-office successes.
•  I want to be married to a gorgeous 6’3 independently successful man who has a heart after God’s own heart and lives a life devoted to Christ who prays with me and teaches our two adorable children to do the same.
• I want my mother to never have cancer again.
• I want my dad to walk me down the aisle and my mother to plan the perfect wedding and my grannie to be seated in the front row with the best view in the house.
• I want my grannie to be completely healed of congestive heart failure.
•  I want a brownstone in TriBeCa and a summer home in Montmartre.
• I want to make enough so that my dad can retire early and I can buy my parents their dream house.
• I want my parents to live very long, happy and healthy lives and to play a huge role in my children’s lives.
• I want to be close with my siblings.
• And since we’re reaching, I want peace in the Middle East, an end to racism, sexism, colorism, gaycism, all the isms and all exploitation…

You get it; I want things.  Some are really important and some are not.  But what if the things I desire most in life, I never ever get?  Psalm 100:5 tells us, “For the Lord is good; His mercy is everlasting; and His truth endures to all generations.”  Except, what if I publish a book and it goes triple bubble gum wrapper instead of platinum?  Is God still good? What if I NEVER get married, let alone to someone gorgeous and 6’3 who is for real about Jesus. Is God still good? What if I get married to the perfect (for me) guy and he dies 6 months in? Or a year in? Or 15 years in? Is God still good? What if all I ever want in life is happy and healthy children and I never even get one?  Or I get one and that child dies, would a “good” God allow it? Could God possibly still be considered good in the midst of the unthinkable?

At some point in this Christian walk, many Christians will have to grapple with the seeming deviation between “God is good” and “I am not getting what I want,” because far too many Christians equate the goodness of God with the current “goodness” of our lives — as if they go hand-in-hand. But what part of the Christian game is that?!

One cause of Christian confusion about what makes God good comes from the false teaching of some high-profile pastors who like to spout the unbiblical claim that walking with Jesus means financial wealth, physical health and unironically titled “Good Times” from here on out. God never promised any of those things.  That’s why it is SO important that Christians spend real time reading the Bible for ourselves and developing a personal relationship with Christ.  That way, we would understand that God is good unconditionally and never changes:

“Give thanks unto the Lord for He is good. His love endures forever.” (Psalm 136:1)

“Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.” (James 1:17)

Nowhere does it say that the life of a Christian will be trouble-free and happy all the time.  What Christ does say, is surrender your worries and troubles to Me and I will give you rest for your soul (Matthew 11:28) and peace that surpasses all understanding (Philippians 4:7).

But what about that scripture that says God will give you the desires of your heart, you ask? Psalm 37:4 is a  CONDITIONAL promise of God that should be read like this: “[IF you] Delight yourself in the Lord [THEN] He will give you the desires of your heart.”  Delighting yourself in the Lord means to find your happiness and your joy in being in right-standing with HIM, by putting God’s desires and plans for your life above your own limited desires for yourself. When you are delighted by God, by walking in His righteous way, you desire the things HE desires, and therefore He gives you the desires of your heart.  That’s why He says “Seek FIRST the Kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all things will be added unto you.” (Matthew 6:33) He wants you to be satisfied with Him and Him alone.

You can beg and plead with God to give you what you want and sometimes He’ll give you what you ask for and sometimes He won’t.  Paul said he pleaded three times with Lord to take away a thorn in his side, but God simply said, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” (2 Corinthians 12:8-9)

That means when God says “NO” to you (or even “NOT YET”), there is something He is trying to work in you. He is trying to work your faith in Him. Hear those words in your spirit and let Him prove to you over and over again that He alone is enough and can provide all of your needs according to His riches in glory:  “Lord I want to be paid a fair wage AND ON TIME for the work that I do.” But My grace is sufficient for you.  “Lord, I want good health.” But My grace is sufficient for you.  “Lord, I want a baby.” But my grace is sufficient for you. “Lord, I want a spouse.” But My grace is sufficient for you.

It’s a hard pill to swallow that you can lead a “good Christian life” and not get the rewards you think you ought to get out of it — right away or ever. But we forget that the reason we are kind to our neighbors, are slow to take offense but always ready for reconciliation, are patient and forgiving with each other, pay tithes, attend church regularly is not so we can check off our “get into Heaven” list; we do these things because it is our “reasonable service” to Christ, to show our love for Him and our gratitude to Him for sacrificing Himself for us, for dying a violent death in OUR place so that we don’t have to experience the violent death of eternal separation from God.  And if you truly belong to God, whatever it is that you want in life more than you want to live a life that glorifies Him and is pleasing to Him — whether that’s a spouse, a child, a job, money WHATEVER– believe He will snatch that idol from your grasp.

You want a man who loves Jesus more than you want true relationship with the actual Jesus? He will snatch that man from your grasp.  God is a jealous God and the deal you make is “I will have no other gods besides YOU.” Because seriously, can a man who loves Jesus save you from your sins and put you in right-standing with God? Absolutely not.  Can a child make you whole? Absolutely not. Can fame and notoriety fill the void in your heart? Absolutely not.  God commands to be our one and only God because He knows — as should we — that only He can give us what we so desire:  purpose, unconditional love, consistency, unending companionship, and the ultimate validation. He is trying to save you some time and some heartache by taking away from you those broken things you idolize. How good He is to us!! Thank Him for it! Because “we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” (Romans 8:28) We’ve got to know these scriptures and believe God when He says these things!

The deal you make with Christ when you accept Him as Lord of your life is that your life is no longer your own. IT’S NOT ABOUT YOU. You have been “bought with a price. Therefore honor God with your body” mind and soul (1 Corinthians 6:20). Your body is His temple, you are HIS vessel to use on this earth to give HIM praise.  That’s our purpose! Not to get what we want, but to melt our thoughts into HIS thoughts our desires into HIS desires and live a life that is totally surrendered to Him. And our reward is life more abundantly than we’ve ever had it because we have learned to “count it all joy when we face trials whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” (James 1:2-4)

Are you ready to be a “mature and complete” Christian?Make a list of all the things you want. Is there anything on that list that would shake your relationship with Christ if He took it away from you or said no to you? Will you surrender that idol to Christ today?

Need prayer? Email diva@districtdiva.com.

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