Missionary Dating: Would You Date Outside Your Faith?
“Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives.” (1 Peter 3:1 )
This scripture — if misinterpreted or misapplied — might get you into trouble. Though I’m looking forward to discussing submission in depth at a later date, I’m focusing specifically on this scripture’s implication that by our behavior, a loved one can come to Christ. Well, that’s what we as Christians are called to do, anyway, right? The Great Commission: “Go ye therefore and teach all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, Son and the Holy Ghost, teaching them to observe all things I’ve commanded of you.” (Matthew 28:18-19) And some more references are that people will recognize a follower of Christ by the way that they love (John 13:35), and Christ will draw people to Himself when we praise Him on Earth (John 12:32). Well, yes, the Word is true, but none of these scriptures have to do specifically with dating. The first scripture mentioned speaks exclusively to wives who are already married to a spouse who is outside the faith, but it has become the encapsulation of many a single Christian’s pipe dream: I date him/her so awesomely that he/she will eventually become a Christian.
You are NOT ready for how awesomely I’m about to date you.
This is also known as Missionary Dating. Yeah, I’ve done it. It didn’t turn out well. Per usual, I wrote a post about it (Wanna read it? Here it go).
Recently, I had the distinct pleasure of interviewing Tia & Tamera Mowry for EBONY.com, two very vocal Christians in Hollywood, and Tamera shared with me her misadventures in Missionary Dating:
I tried the ‘missionary dating’ [in the past] where you have a person with a great heart who you think is perfect and wonderful except for this one important area that you try to change [the person’s faith]. That’s unfair to that person. That person needs to be who they are 100%. And it’s unfair to you. You don’t want to drag somebody to church with you. My husband [Adam Housely] wakes up on Sundays and says ‘Hey, are we going to church today?’ It just makes [waiting] all worthwhile. I dated guys who did not share those same beliefs and it was hard. There were many nights of heartbreak and crying, and that’s not what God wants for us.
Tamera also opened up about her and Adam’s decision to be celibate before marriage in order to have a relationship that would please God:
Adam and I took a break from dating for about a year. We missed each other and something was drawing us together, but more than that, we wanted to make sure that this relationship was what God wanted for our lives. [In order to know] if we are meant to be together, we said, ‘it’s got to be God’s way and not our way.’ We didn’t want to half-step anything [or have clouded judgment]. So our right way was the way we felt God wanted us to do it which was being celibate. We said to God, ‘This is who we are, I know you take us as we are, our faults, our fears, our joys, our hope as a couple and have your way.’
[For 5 Tips for Celibate Living, check out this post!]
Tia also shared more about why waiting for a husband who shared her devotion to Christ was worth the wait. She gushes about her husband, actor Cory Hardrict, saying:
[N]umber one, he loves God. Everything that he does, he goes to God about it first. He’s a strong man of faith and prayer. I find that very important for me because I am the same way. This business is hard and I needed someone who would say “Tia, get on your knees and pray,” — whether it’s business-wise or personal — and that’s what I love about Cory.
Read the rest of my interview with Tia & Tamera on EBONY.com!
Of course, your story might end up differently, but there’s also a very good chance it will end in tears. Relationships are tricky and can sometimes get messy, but our first goal as Christians is to help others know Christ just for the sheer, indescribable joy, love and peace a relationship with Christ will bring to that person — not so we can convert the person into marriage material.
Have you dated outside your faith? How’s it going ?
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This piece hit close to home!! (several of your posts do, but anywho…)
I fell in love with a man who is not a Christ follower, but who wants a Christian upbringing for his children, who accompanies me to church, who prays with me, who reads the bible with me, who is actively seeking God in his life. I agree with the lesson in this post, Missionary Dating leaves both parties with a sour taste in their mouth. I tried it while dating a devout muslim man a while back, and it took years to scrub that taint off my spirit!!!! That said, I don’t know what to call what my spouse and I have. He isn’t a Christian, but he loves my love of Christ and wants our future children to know Him.
Beautiful!! Thanks for sharing, Aisha. You are obviously living out 1 Peter 3:1, so God bless you! I am praying along with you guys and praying that he will come to know the full and wonderful love of Christ for himself. There is absolutely nothing like it!!