No This Negro Didn't
So I met a guy at a bar. (Fine: my bad, that’s what I get, etc. But please, allow me to continue.)
In the dusk and dampness of Marvin‘s on U-Street, this man was fine: 6’4 — at least — dark and smooth, wearing a fly-but-sensible suit that says “I just came from my very good job, and by the way, I hate Steve Harvey.” Throw in a bald head, a goatee and his request that our first date be serving food to the homeless at his church on Saturday morning, and I was hook-line-and-sinker-sold.
Since I was unavailable Saturday morning, he planned what –at first glance — appeared to be a promising evening: dinner and drinks at Masa 14, followed by jazz and blues on U Street.
I wore a first-date-appropriate dress that I just happened to look amazing in, paired with my most sensible stilettos, and minimal jewelry and make-up to pull off the desired effortlessly fabulous look.
I arrived at Masa — fashionably late — to discover that he had not yet arrived. This gave me a chance to run to the ladies’, reapply my lip gloss, and get settled in the waiting area. Two minutes later, he called:
“I’m here, where are you?” I looked around but saw him nowhere. “I’m right up front by the door.” Through the phone, I could hear a firetruck speeding by. Then I saw the firetruck drive past the window. Good, he’s close, I thought. (In retrospect, that firetruck was Jesus saying “Alert! Alert! Danger Ahead! Run, girl, ruuuuuuuuuuuun!” But, I missed that). In a split-second, he was walking through the door.
Never one to hide my emotions, my mouth stood agape; my face was twisted with horror. For a moment I was paralyzed. He was coming towards me in what appeared to be a dingy white WIFE BEATER, some khaki shorts, some loafers with SOCKS, and an (apropos) Po’ Boy hat. In the light of day, he looked less like Blair Underwood, and more like Officer Ricky Ross. The fact that he had the nerve to be dripping with sweat like he just finished his shift in the cotton field was all I needed to be jolted back to reality. I grabbed my purse and charged the door.
But, he stood in the middle of the door, blocking my exit. He was smiling, apparently pleased to see me, but the look on my face soon translated into a language he understood. “Did I startle you?” He asked. “Yes!” I whisper-screamed. “Yes you did!” I pushed past him, walked out the door, and back towards the metro.
He pursued, blowing up my phone in the process. Couldn’t he tell I was in the middle of calling everyone I knew to tell them what this Negro had just done???
“Girl!! Oh! My! Wait, hold on. *hit ignore* Oh! My! God! You will not believe — ugh! Hold on. *hit ignore* This fool had the nerve to — oh my God is he serious?! *hit ignore*”
I could barely get the story out without his interrupting phone calls. And him walking behind me was just too creepy to stand, so I hopped in the first available cab.
He proceeded to call all Saturday — and all Sunday. Then he got “clever” and started calling me from an unknown number. But it wasn’t just the phone calls that got me, the voicemails were equally trip-worthy:
Message 1: “Hey [Diva], this is [embarrassing psycho]. Give me a call when you get a chance.”
Message 2: “Hey [Diva], this is [embarrassing psycho]. Give me a call when you get a chance.”
Message 3: “Hey [Diva], this is [embarrassing psycho]. Give me a call when you get a chance.”
Message 4: “Hey [Diva], this is [embarrassing psycho]. Give me a call when you get a chance.”
Message 5: “Yo, [Diva], this [Barry (short for embarrassing. yes this fool gave his nickname like we’ve been kicking it for years)]. Give me a call when you get a chance.”
I didn’t see the signs, Oprah. He had on a very nice suit — at a bar— when I met him. Why would he invite me to a wine bar and a jazz lounge and not wear something equally as nice? He was talking about Jesus, for pete’s sake!
And what was it about me that screamed hoodrat anyway? Why would he feel like I would be o.k. with sitting next to a grown (39 year-old!) man in a wife beater ANYWHERE in public, let alone a nice restaurant?
I called the only person who can always be counted on to discover where I went wrong: my dad.
“Well, what happened was you blew a perfect opportunity to work on your people skills. You should’ve said, ‘hey, I didn’t get the memo. Am I overdressed or are you underdressed?’ Walking out was something a ten-year-old would do.”
Touche’, I have a history of running and not dealing with problems / controversy. But what was to be gained from asking this clearly special man why he would wear what he was wearing? Did I really have to tell this 39-year-old OLD man that a wife beater is not appropriate attire for fine dining? I didn’t want to make a scene, I didn’t want to embarrass him, and I certainly didn’t want to send the message that it was o.k. for him to put in minimal effort when it came to his appearance, so, I left.
And now that the phone calls have stopped, his (hopefully) final text message shows me that we all learned a valuable lesson that day:
I know that you’re not “EVER” gonna talk to me again, but I’m sorry for how things played out last night…there was no excuse.
Yeah. My job here is done.
(Go for the gold, though. Where did I go wrong?)
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OMG, I don’t have anything brilliant to say about what may have gone wrong, BUT I can’t believe you just walked out!! lol. I agree with your dad-probably because I usually agree with my own dad 🙂
LOL yes, most people have said the same. But I don’t get what I should have done, instead? If I had asked him if I was overdressed, was he going to wait for me to go home, dig some pajamas out of my drawers and join him? Or if he was underdressed, was I supposed to wait patiently while he went home, SHOWERED, and put on some grown-man clothes? Perhaps if I was 39 and still single, I might have felt inclined to work with a brother. (This is EXACTLY what Slim Thug was talking about! LOL). But yeah, I just had no words. And I’m fresh out of desperation.
He could have been a very nice guy. Even if nothing romantic was to come out of it maybe a friendship could have. Never judge a book by its cover. Dating can be a little crazy at times but, the point is to meet interesting people and have a good time regardless if you plan on being with them. Because once you really meet “the one” all the fun in dating comes to a complete stop. It also does not hurt your ego knowing that you have your choice in men so when you do meet the right person you are not depending on him for self worth. Rather, you already know you have about 20 guys waiting in line if he messes up. From your blog it seems like you judged him based on his outer appearance and I personally know some of the wealthiest and most successful people who are not to hip on fashion. Instead of looking at what a man wears, look into his heart and where he spends his money and time.
Thanks, Doctor j! Both for reading and commenting. I admit it. I judged this man on his outward appearance — twice. He was so fine and nicely dressed when we first met! Doesn’t that mean that he at least had the means to look nice on our very first date, and just chose not to, for whatever reason?
What in the Runaway Slave HELL???
From your description, he looked like he had just run off from a chain gang! I probably wouldn’t have had the wherewithal to do anything more than get the hell out of there just like you did.
Your shock and subsequent leaving had nothing to do with you judging that book by its cover, when you first met him or when he showed up to the restaurant looking like Kunta Kinte before his foot was chopped off. It had everything to do with “Something about this situation ain’t right and I’m GTFOH, now!” I would’ve been afraid that a bunch of rival gang members would’ve followed him into the spot at any moment.
LOL!!! I love this post! Like you, I would’ve thought I hit pay dirt too with the nice attire/interesting first date, but here’s where we differ. I wouldn’t ditched the guy. Instead, I would’ve used humor to diffuse the situation (hi-five to your dad) and suggested we meet at another time for a ‘date do-over’. Indeed, clothes do represent who you are, but embarrassing psycho has proven before that he knows how to dress appropriately, sans the ‘white-T’. Within the larger picture, clothes shouldn’t be considered immediate deal breakers, especially if the has a good job to afford variety.
This is too funny. So now that you’ve had time to think things through would you give him a second chance or at least speak to him…as a friend?
NO! I would not. And here’s why: the entire scenario screams “I have no pride.” And not just that he has no pride in his appearance during the daylight hours. Let a negro walk out on me, I would NEVER, mind you, NEVER blow up his phone a million times *except that one time, geez! I was in love give me a break. But certainly not for anyone I’ve known a mere 24 hours!!!* The whole scenario is way too creepily reminiscent of an ex I’d like to forget. Have some pride, man!
The bottomline is that he had already raised some red flags with me — being 39 and all and texting me a bunch of smiley faces and using words like “sike.” But I said, no, expand your horizons, be open-minded, try something new…and this time it just happened to turn out not so well. I feel everyone is in your life for a reason, a season, or to write a post about. His role was the latter, and that role is done. And I suck at friendships, so, just, why bother?
Gonna co-sign with your dad. Running was not a good luck, neither was the ignore. It will make for a very awkward situation if you should run into him again & chances are you will.
And the devil is always int he details. If anyone is talking about religion, they are socially inappropriate on a 1st meeting.
You have taken the words right out of my mouth. I had a very similar experience except my “date” showed up with sweats, a hat, and raggedy tennis shoes. I wish I had the guts to run but…. I stayed and had an awful date. Needless to say that was the first and last date. I don’t think that you went wrong in anyway. There should be common sense or etiquette as to what to wear on a first date depending on where you are going. Men and Woman should both utilize it.
First let me say HILARIOUS story lol!! But I cant believe you walked out either! So if he had too much pride to call you, that would’ve been better??? I dont see why having pride in this situation is necessary or even a good thing…He really could’ve had a good reason. Even if he didnt, so what he was dressed badly…he could’ve been a really nice guy. Shame 🙁
LOL yay thanks for reading TG. Yes, I would have had more respect for him if he had never called again, or maybe called once to say, “sorry, I should’ve told you when we talked 30 minutes ago that I was actually coming straight from laying concrete in Adams Morgan. I should have rescheduled, my bad.” But only an ex-boyfriend I dated for several years has ever called me multiple times in rapid succession because I wouldn’t answer the phone the first time. That’s just…scary! And the fact that we had talked 30 minutes prior to our meeting to make sure we were both going to the same place at the same time and he made no mention of any difficulties he was having lead me to believe that he was purposefully dressed –for our date — in a wife beater and jorts and socks and loafers.
And it does matter that he was dressed badly because when we met, he was dressed very tastefully, which was one of the reasons I was attracted to him. It was a very high quality suit. So, that says that he has the ability to dress well, but did not think this date was one of those occasions where it was necessary. Doesn’t speak well for what he thought of me!
And, just to clarify, dressing badly is a guy who tucks his polo shirt into his jeans and wears a belt. This man had on a wife beater. A-wife-beater. A WIFE BEATER!!! for dinner. and socks and loafers.
I actually would not have had the nerve to leave so I have my hands up to applaud you on that and then I put them back down before the pat because of the perpetual running that we do, at some point, need to deal with. But I digress.
Every person you spend time with is an opportunity to share the grace of God. Even those who already believe…don’t miss another opportunity to share how God has blessed you because the person doesn’t have date potential. I’m in a new bible study class called “Share Jesus Without Fear” can you tell? 😉
Ha! This post is by-far my fav. I think it is absolutely HILARIOUS that you left like that! OMG you are so embarassing! LOL But I digress, I think that you were absolutely right, however I agree with the majority of those who commented and with [your] dad. That was the perfect time to find out why he dressed the way he did. As I recall, you mentioned that he wanted your FIRST date to be at his CHURCH, to help feed the homeless! Maybe this young [OLD – hehehe] man of God was just coming from Habitat for Humanity and didn’t want to be late! And yes, to your response to Charis… if he was indeed coming from somewhere sensible and about JESUS, you should have allowed him the time to change or re-scheduled the date. You don’t want a Christian man who is about Kingdom business… you want a rich man who will marry you and have two mistresses… I’m just saying! :0)
Before reading this entry I honestly could not understand why black men held the opinion that black women are too high maintenance and all about appearances. You didn’t even give the man a chance to explain himself. For all you know he had a good reason for being dressed the way he was. Perhaps he was helping rearrange furniture in his church’s rec room and lost track of time. I agree with your dad – you acted like a complete child (and bitch) by running out the way you did.
Thanks for reading & sharing, Down-to-Earth BW! Slim Thug was so right! 😀 I can drop you Barry’s number, if you’d like! Send me an email.
Thanks Abbs & Lambda Lady! Yes. Bad form. Pops was right. Should’ve shared the love of Jesus…and a bar of soap…with him. Next time. Next time, for sure!
Me and some friends had this conversation alot and to be honest you was in the wrong. Just because he had on a suit when you first meet him then on the second date he was dress like a bum didnt mean that you couldnt take five mins out to listen to him. This person could had been your soulmate but you let your ego get in the way. Im also from dc too. Whats funny is you got alot of dudes out here be fronting in those suits acting like they are professionals and dont have a dime. Stop acting snooty and letting your ego get in the way. How else are you going to see the real person when they take off the suit.
See…I don’t know ma’am. Snooty? Can I just say, one-mo-gin, that dude had on a WIFE BEATER at a nice wine bar? It’s not like his dress shoes were worn out, or even his khakis a little wrinkled. I hate ironing, I can dig that…but dude had on a WIFE BEATER. that was DINGY! to dinner. at a nice wine bar. and socks and loafers. My Soulmate? Jesus be a mirror!
He also could have had the means to look nice and treated you terribly. Nonetheless, shame on him for the getup…ahem…or lack thereof. I would have ran too!
What about him made you agree to the date initially?
Thanks for reading B(laughin’)! He was talking about Jesus! At a bar. That ALWAYS gets me. And I loved his suit. It was a really nice, quality suit. But not flashy, at all. Just how I like ’em. And he was super-cute! When I found out he was 39, I had already agreed to go out with him, so I was trying to keep an open-mind. I thought I should step outside of my comfort zone, try something new (old), be open-minded. But really? How open-minded do I have to be to go on a decent date in this city??!!
What I am trying to make clear to black women is we cannot continue being extremely unreasonable and having standards that are unrealistic. This is the reason why many black women are still single and lonely. Black men are a hot commodity rather you admit to that or not. The superficial things that you are unwilling to accept the next white/asian/mexican will. Now, if you all do not want to get married and have children then please continue to bat away every black man that doesn’t meet certain superficial criteria. But, if you would like to have a family oneday we must change our ways. Regardless if he had on a white tee..it could have been a learning experience for you. I am not speaking on this particular incidence but, black women have a problem where they have this ideal relationship and ideal man that will never exist! First, you look in the mirror and ask yourself are you perfect. Then, try and accept the things that a potential mate may lack and he will do the same for you. That way you compliment eachother in what the other lacks. No one is perfect except Jesus..no one ever will be.
@Doctor J
(1) There is nan a “lonely” Black woman over here; And
(2)If there is a woman of any color or creed whose self-esteem is so low that she’d withstand a man showing up to a date– that he alone designed at a time that he alone specified — in a dirty wife beater (hell, a wife beater of ANY kind!) then I got dude’s number, and said woman can come holler at him.
If Black men are in such high demand that they don’t even have to wash ‘neath their balls before going on a date, then someone has believed their own hype.
I’m gonna need SOMEBODY (preferably the uncouth person that called this blogger a “bitch”) to explain to me what the f*ck explanation besides “The Federalis are after me, can I hide out at your place” would be enough for her to look past him showing up sweaty in a dirty ass wife beater for a date.
I’ll wait.
I’m all for giving people a second chance (in my case, only 1 per season), but why should anybody deal with that level of disregard? She took the time to get herself all dolled-up and presentable and that man couldn’t shower and put on a clean shirt?? Nah, son…I ain’t buying it.
And like I said before, that was more than some poor planning or lack of awareness for what is date-appropriate dress. From the description, I got “fugitive”. That sh*t only happens in corny ass cop-buddy movies.
And like I said before
I don’t necessarily have a witty comment to add. I just wanted to comment because this is my first time reading your site and found this entry to be HILARIOUS!!! I can’t believe that guy would show up for a date dressed like he was relaxing at home. I don’t know what I could have said to express my disdain if put in that situation so I see why you just left. Truly unbelievable!
Having standards does not equal being a bitch. See, if you’d stayed and let him pay for dinner – knowing you weren’t intersted – they’d call you a bitch for that too. I dislike when the conversation turns to that. I’m not saying have several dates with the dude – or really even just that one. I’m just saying don’t run. Clearly, you would not have been able to question if you were in the right place – since you’d already discussed this – I like the other dude’s question “are you underdressed or am I overdressed” with a smile…or maybe “am i being punk’d?”
Agreed, Abbs!! Agreed. No more running — in life in general. And “am I being punk’d?” *Dead*
@ThePBG there are no words! Just none. Thank you!!!! ROFLLLLLLLL
I agree. I am not speaking on your situation in particular. I am speaking on the people saying “yay walk out on the poor black man” who were not even there to witness the situation. I am sure you have a valid reason for leaving but, I do not understand how anyone else can automatically say they would have left too and were not even in the situation.
@ Doctor J,
I would hope that my amazing narrative skills helped the reader to feel like they were, in fact, there with me, experiencing the horror, shame, and humiliation. Otherwise, I’m just not as skilled as I think I am. 😀 But yay. Thanks for reading and commenting. Appreciate your voice.
This is hilarious! I probably would have stayed myself but I don’t judge your decision to bolt, since it’s likely that you would have had a pretty terrible date. The only plus of staying is that you would have gotten an explanation for the get-up, which could have eased your concerns or at least added to the hilarity of the situation, depending on his answer. In any case, his subsequent behavior indicates that he probably isn’t the best match for you, so it seems you dodged a bullet here.
Btw, I loved the pacing of this post. I felt like I was reading a suspense novel, and I was just waiting for the inevitable horror to unfold.
wow. honestly though, Even if he did dress appropriately, did you think dating a man about 15 years older than you would have a happy ending? They usually don’t.
Sorry if i’m giving away your age but there are only a few reasons why a 39 year old man would go on a date with a 24 year old (almost half his age)
1. To get some. (self explanatory)
2. Rich and/or famous and can do that(larry king, Hugh Heffner, majority of the relationships that work are because of this reason)
3. He has a major flaw that prevents him from dating women in his age bracket (30-40) and decided to go after fresh meat.
4. he is a serial killer
The chances of a single 40 year old man being “dateable” (a term black women coined)are slim to none. By age 40, the dateable ones are taken. The ones that are left are the ones that want to be single or don’t know know how to keep a woman because of a major flaw.
My advice… no to grandpa next time.
P.S. Regardless of his age, I think you should have at least asked him why he was dressed like that. Even criminals get a chance to explain themselves in court.
OMG!! And he didn’t know my age. I doubt I look 40, but he didn’t know that I’m only 24. I find your comment hilarious, anyway!
Annnnd, I doubt you’d be singing that same song if you were single and 39!
But clearly, this particular dude was…flawed.
Definitely damaged goods!
@Mudiwa the “pacing?” I LOVE this comment! YAY!!!! Writers of the world, unite!
See…I don’t know ma’am. Snooty? Can I just say, one-mo-gin, that dude had on a WIFE BEATER at a nice wine bar? It’s not like his dress shoes were worn out, or even his khakis a little wrinkled. I hate ironing, I can dig that…but dude had on a WIFE BEATER. that was DINGY! to dinner. at a nice wine bar. and socks and loafers. My Soulmate? Jesus be a mirror!
**********
lets be real Diva. Do you read what you type hun? Now you sounding so superfical and uppity. Atleast he show up. It dont matter what kind of bar it was he show up to explain and you wouldnt listen to him. He could had been dress all jazzy earlier that day and caught a flat but realize he was running late and didnt want to make any excuses. You know how we females get if a guy is late or call with excuses. Yes I said soulmate because at first his suit caught your attention but he show another side of him you ran and guess what you just prove what alot of guys in dc actually do be saying about us dc females. It shouldnt had matter what he had on. You was more worry about what if my buddy come in and see me with this guy that look dirty or with a wifebeater then sitting there and letting explain. Dont get mad when you do see again and he laugh in your face.
Oh yeah I forgot this is a prime example of some things guys to do to see if you are a down to earth female instead of one of those bourgy chicks. You prove him right. You show you was bourgy.
Mudiwa, I so agree with you…I too read it with such suspense and she definitely didn’t disappoint! I am still laughing at her adventure and the susequent comments to follow. Ms Diva, I must say you could clean up your comments made to Dr J at 13:46 p.m. I know a nerve was twisted but please, your last sentence could have been left out…Christians shouldn’t write or talk like that to get their point across.
Now, to help you out with Dr. J…first of all Dr J I appreciate that your comments weren’t directly pointing to the Diva but at any black woman…I take offense. First of all, only desperate, low, very low, self esteemed women, black or any other color, would put up with being disrespected as the Diva clearly was. If those who commented would use their common sense, re-read the script before commenting and put yourself in her place, knowing what she knows about this gentleman (not too much of course, in 3-4 hours), and agree to a date in a nice, fancy restuarant, you put on your best dress, hairdo, and matching nail polish (ya’ll know feet and hands are to match now right?), and this young man (old man) whatever, whom you just met, and was impressed by and thought he was impressed by you, shows up IN A WIFE BEATER SHIRT, LOAFERS…AND SOCKS!!! are you serious???
And you know that he didn’t just come from working with habitat for humanity or feeding the homeless at his Church…come on…can you seriously say…she was being anything but hurt and disgusted for being disrespected that way? Sometimes it’s good to run!
Where is it written that because we are black women that we have no right to be treated with respect or to expect that some really nice young man is going to meet us dressed appropriately for the place you have chosen? Was she meeting him at a cookout in his backyard?
Where is it written that we should not expect our black men to be waiting for us with outstretched hands to escort us to our seats, and treat us like the queens that God made us to be for our black kings?
As a matter of fact where are our black Kings?? This ‘HOT COMMODITY”? I’ll tell you where they are …in jail or out looking for another man. What we need are REAL MEN…BLACK OR OTHERWISE, first of all who love GOD.. If he loves God than he loves himself, if he loves himself then he will love whom God sends him and in his search he will have the common sense he needs to present himself to his queen the way he expects his queen to present herself to him.
If the role was reversed…what would your responses be? Unless you are “missdowntoearthbw”, responding as a desperate bw puts you right in the “slim thug” category of descriptions of bw. I implore you to respect yourself better than that and never, ever, let a man, black or white disresepect you in public or private…You get what you settle for. Want a REAL MAN?…WAIT ON THE LORD! In the meantime, don’t settle for anything running around in sweaty wife beaters, loafers and socks!!! BLACK MEN LISTEN UP!!!
One mo thing, Dr J, Msdowntoearthbw, what if msdowntoearthbw met this guy at the bar looking like Shen-nay-nay from Martin! Would he run? Dr J would you stay? I rest my case!
To ANONYMOUS:
You misunderstood what I was saying. Let me explain, black men are in high demand you can ask any women of any race and most of the time they will tell you that they would be willing or are currently dating a black man. As far as this particular situation I would not have given him a date on the sole fact that he was 39. Why is he 39 and still single? Like Stan clearly explained he must have some underlying issues. Furthermore, I am not saying lowering your standards I am saying do not make standards that are in reality unachievable. Look at a man’s heart and where he spends his money and time rather than on how he dresses. That is very superficial and will not get you anywhere if that is the foundation of you finding and keeping a man.
Do not slap down a man based on superficial standards. That is not only ridiculous but, it will leave you single and alone. I have heard women say they will not date a man if he has on “raggedy shoes” while that may be preference to date a man with nice shoes it by no means should be a deal breaker. Deal breakers should be things such as someone who curses you out everyday, does not love the Lord, or refuses to get a job. Being in a great relationship is about growing with that person and complementing eachother.
As far as “where are our black kings” there are plenty of nice black men out there who are overlooked by people such as yourself who are constantly beating them down saying that “most of yall in jail and broke.” I do not know where you be looking but, I always run into nice men. Maybe you should check yourself first.
I agree, you did the right thing by leaving, post haste! If people are going to be disrespectful to you then sometimes they need to know how it feels to be on the receiving end of inconsiderate behavior. It probably would have been okay to take at least one call though, in order to get his side of the story. And if it wasn’t absolutely on point, then kick that negro to the curb!
Your dad is such a wise man! I really like the words he provided to you! Rather than condemn you for meeting a guy at the bar, he focused on an area on which you can improve as a human being. Such profound wisdom!
BTW…Never judge a person by the way that they are dressed. Get to know a person’s heart. I haven’t always been the most fashion conscious person but over time I’ve gotten much better. (Thank goodness for my friends/cuzins working with me throughout the years).
Remember “Man Looketh on the Outward Appearance. God looketh on the heart.”
Thanks for reading and commenting, everyone! This truly made my day!! Hope everyone laughed out loud today!
@insanityreport where did I go wrong? http://www.dcdistrictdiva.com/?p=658
I am inclined to agree with your dad … generally speaking. I’m quite confrontational so I would certainly have had to have a real grown-ass man and woman conversation. I don’t agree in the passive aggressive, “am I overdressed” question. I think a straight-up question of why are you dressed like that in a place like this would suffice. That would give him a chance to explain; if it’s good, I can certainly change plans and reschedule … and if it’s no good, I can tell him he’s dismissed.
I will say I died laughing at walking off from him, but I don’t want to go on record as condoning it. I do have high expectations of people, and choose to treat them as beneath me if that’s the way they choose to project themselves. But I give them a chance to show me how to treat them first; you didn’t give him a chance. People may not like it, but I go to sleep comfortable at night with my decisions. I highly recommend confrontation.
*dead* LOL! LOL! these comments are almost as good as the post! LOL! i can’t believe you just walked out of there! lol. maybe he was sweating b/c he had just pulled someone out of the burning fire that truck was headed to? lol. i will try to come more lucid when i am not doped up on benadryl. but truly, this has made my night.
The comments on my blog are pure COMEDY. http://www.dcdistrictdiva.com/?p=658 I dont even hv 2 workout 2nite. lost 5lbs laughin @ y'all! thx
RT @DCDistrictDiva: The comments on my blog are pure COMEDY. http://www.dcdistrictdiva.com/?p=658 I dont even hv 2 workout 2nite. lost 5 …
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Dr. J. Sorry to burst your bubble, but I didn’t have to LOOK for a man, my husband found me! And we’ve been married for almost 30 years! because I waited on the Lord and didn’t hang out in bars to look for him. Can’t believe I’m up 2 a.m. in the morning messing with ya’ll…
Regarding your continued comments: “black men are in high demand? I wonder why they are? Is it because they’re respectable men who appreciate the black woman first of all, and holds her high above all others? Makes her feel like a queen in public and wouldn’t dare think of embarassing her amongst others as he did the Diva?
Or, is it truthfully because most of our brothers have fallen slave to the needle, the jailhouse, debauchery, homosexuality, and women of other races? To that extent you are right, but don’t make it sound like something that it’s not! It’s nothing you should wear proudly. You know I’m telling the truth. Your job mister, is not to be counted in that number, and to help pick your brother up if you can, so we’ll have another brother in the pool! Can’t we all just respect one another? Don’t take your anger out on me for speaking the truth and like I said initially, read what is said before making your comments.
If you knew our history well enough, you would feel bad about making any kind of comments that say anything other than the truth about me or any other black woman. My comments about the majority of eligible black men for our daughters is pitiful!( And I for one feel really bad to have to write in a forum, let alone say it aloud! And in doing so I tried to hide it with a little humor, that went over your head because you were concentrating on …) And the black men who are educated and working are looking for “arm-candy”. Every black magazine you read shows and tells you the same story. High demand! Is this something you are PROUD of? It’s unfortunate! Sad! Your imagination and verbage disturbs me on this topic so I’ll just comment on the important message of the blog. Black men being in high demand is definitely a topic the Diva should explore for us. And Diva, don’t leave us out of the equation, cause some of us do find good black men and mistreat them. Like I said, another blog!
I’m assuming you’re a man and only question it now, because of your comment on meeting nice men all the time. First of all, I am married to a wonderful self respecting man who happens to be an airline pilot and BLACK. When we met he was a gentlemen, took me out dressed appropiately as any self respecting man (black or white) would do and treated me like the lady that I am.(I dated black and white men, all very respectable, and educated as I).
I think, like some of the others, you continue to look at the opposite side of where the Diva and I are coming from. We are coming from the aisle of R-E-S-P-E-C-T. No where in my dialogue or hers did you read that we were “dogging” if you will, this gentleman JUST because of his clothes. It was the circumstances and for some reason, you are completly blinded to that fact and only head to the familiar…not everybody has foolish time to sit around and talk about what kind of clothes someone has on. But when you come out dressed inappropriately as this gentleman did which was totally embarassing for her and totally disrespectful I don’t understand! If you went to college, did your professors not teach you that when you are out in public you should always look your best! Forget college, I learned this not only at home but in elementary school! Slavery days are over! Talk this stupid stuff about poor pitiful people who might not have money to dress the way we dress…Are you kidding me! When I taught school, the kids on welfare dressed better than the kids whose parents had better jobs…how many people do you really see everyday dressed inappropriately, really? Unless they are homeless people, not many… We have friends who are honestly millionaires and you wouldn’t be able to tell they had a dime to their name. They dress like everybody else for the most part, maybe a litte eccentric, maybe a little shabby but clean. Clothes does not the man make! Yes, it’s what’s in the heart that is most important, everybody should know that but don’t use it as an excuse not to do the right thing. Respect yourself and your women, and your men. Respect deserves Respect!
Most black folk I grew up with were one paycheck from the poor house and we appreciated every dime we had and when we went out of the house our clothes may have been ragged but they sure were CLEAN! I’ll say this again, if you are a REAL MAN, you respect yourself and the lady you ask out. If you met her clean and appropriate and asked her out you should show the same respect as when you met her unless as Mr. Stan says, you’re damaged goods yourself or proving to the lady how much you think of her. Somebody needs to get this message. Respect yourself.
Maybe the Diva should have allowed him to explain and break all ties afterwards but if she feels he may be a psycho path, That’s her decision to make not ours. You don’t know her story… So I say “Back Off!” But be blessed!!! Life’s too short!
Regarding Anonymous’s comments – Church.
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BEWARE! “The human desire is so powerful, that it can make you believe that something neat & new is a God ordained & ordered opportunity. When in reality it is merely a demonically delivered distraction.” Everything you desire is not God’s desire for you. Sorry Dad, it may have been an opportunity but he should have come correct. Baby girl you deserve better. Back in the day before I came to know the Lord like I do now, I would have smacked him upside the head before I walked out. Oh by the way the first part of this comment is courtesy of Dr. Leonard N. Smith. Not that I am not well spoken myself, but I do want to give him credit. Have a great day and always know how special you are to me.
My sincerest apologizes, but in ALL of your tweets I do recall you asking ‘Where did I go wrong”. I was merely telling where (I believe) you did just that – by being close-minded. *no sarcasm*
@PBG- I said she behaved like a bitch. I did not call her one only because I do not know her. I only know this situation that I read (and re-read) and I stick by my original claim the she behaved like a child and a bitch. *shrugs*
Furthermore, please let me be clear, I do not have low self-esteem, nor are my standards so low that I would take ANY form of disrespect from anyone – let alone a man I had just met. HOWEVER, I would have handled the situation in a less over-exaggerated, blatantly disrespectful manner. Seriously, you couldn’t even hear the man out or at least TELL him why you were cancelling the date? As others have mentioned, he got your attention before and he has shown you that he is more than capable of dressing accordingly, so why bolt???
Listen- it was never my intention to offer unsolicited advice on blog that is clearly for a pre-selected group of like-mined individuals whom condone embarrassing unsuspecting men for fun. Nor did I mean to offend you by saying that you “behaved like a child (and a bitch)” But umm…..HEY YOU ASKED. And to PBG, it’s unfortunate that you believe I am “uncouth” merely because I did not jump on the “You go, girl” bandwagon after reading this foolishness, as you have always been someone who’s opinion I respected (whether I agreed or not). Oh well…
Worry not – I know the next time that you ponder ‘Where did I go wrong” it’s only for attention’s sake and I won’t come running to offer you my UNBIASED OPINION.
Signed,
A Black Woman that is LOVED by a GOOD, COLLEGE- EDUCATED, HARD-WORKING BLACK MAN.
Good luck in your continued search for love ladies.
@”Down to Earth” Girl, please!
First, if I did not approve both of your rude comments, please believe they’d be sitting in my spam box waiting on permanent deletion by now, so if I only wanted a “pre-selected group of like-mined [your error] individuals” to comment, then I could certainly have that, if I so choose (and still can).
Second, I laughed off your initial rude comment and allowed it because I thought it would further the discussion — the solitary purpose for my post — and also because, as you noted, you don’t know me, so how can you offend me? This is also the reason why I am laughing off your secondary comment. While it’s unfortunate that you cannot express yourself without resulting to name-calling (all while condemning my “child”ish behavior), this is certainly your own personal problem and also does not offend me. I am always open to constructive criticism, and I love sharing and discussing the hilarity that often ensues in my life.
And while I would hope that no woman would ever, EVER, at any age, feel like a man does not have to respect them enough to put on a clean shirt for dinner, I realize that the sad truth is that there are some women who don’t see that as a requirement –or a sign of disrespect. As the woman above noted, I should’ve been “glad he showed up” at all. That is so unfortunate that there are some who feel that way. I know what my worth is, and no matter my age, I will never be so desperate that I settle for disrespect. I make no apologies for that.
And, as Sir Barry’s text message denoted, he was “sorry” for the way things turned out, and there was “no excuse.” NO EXCUSE. Pretty much all I needed to know to come to the conclusion that I made the right decision. I am fresh out of desperation! But as I offered to you before, I’ll gladly shoot you Barry’s number if you send me an email!
Peace and love sister. Thanks for reading (& re-reading!) I hope you at least got a laugh out of it! I DIED bout 10 good times! 😀
Wow. Interesting scenario, and thought-provoking set of comments. As you know in the blog world, if you want to get tongues wagging, post something about the dating world. We all have experiences (“baggage”) that can add to a fiery discussion on this topic. Lesson learned – people are gonna do what they want. How we respond says a lot about us.
while I'm dragging my aching self back to work, please read all 52 cmts if u havent yet! itll mk ur day http://www.dcdistrictdiva.com/?p=658
You are OTC!!! I am currently typing from my office floor as I passed out after reading this. Too weak. I’ve learned that everyone wasn’t raised with Southern values (and appropriateness) and everyone certainly didn’t attend our “Home by the Sea” which places emphasis on proper attire in the right place. I don’t think you should’ve walked out on the man though. You don’t know his story 😀 There could’ve been a number of things that transpired prior to him coming there and you didn’t even give him the opportunity to explain or apologize, nor did you return his calls.
When you met him, it was clear that he does have good sense. Although I personally would NEVER wear tube socks with loafers (“where they do dat at?”), that could’ve been his ‘get-up’ from earlier in the day. He could’ve lost his keys and couldn’t get home. Someone could’ve gotten in an accident and he rushed to attend to his friend before going home, which in doing so, he had to choose whether he’d be extra late and make you wait or just show up, explain and take you to a less “fancy” spot. Maybe he’d given his shirt to a homeless woman who was only wearing a bra. Didn’t you say he was volunteering earlier that day. He might’ve had to stay longer than expected.
Something similar has happened to me and I’m not one to break a date! My word, is my word. If I say we’re going, unless the rapture comes (or some major circumstance), I’m there! Typically with Black women, you don’t get many chances. If you’re going on a date and the man calls the day of, let alone minutes prior to the beginning of the date, to say he’s running extra late or ask if y’all can reschedule, the chances of actually getting another date are slim to none. Real talk. Instead of having to go through all of that, regardless of what he had going on before he got there, he made it happen by showing up very close to the time y’all agreed to meet.
You said he was late…meaning something was up (and assuming he wasn’t on CP Time). Obviously he wasn’t taking time to get ready so I think you should’ve at least let the brother offer an explanation. If it was some BS excuse, then you could’ve made a dramatic exit! SHAME!!!
OMG the comments are still rolling in to "No This Negro Didn't" I'm on two Page 2 of comments! 🙂 http://www.dcdistrictdiva.com/?p=658
My first reaction when I read Diva’s entertaining account of bolting from the scene was:She has a lot more nerve than I would have had in a similar situation but simultaneously thinking perhaps the brave thing to do would have been to wait for an explanation and then excuse herself.
However, as I read further about Mr. Wife-Beater-Shirt leaving message after message on her cell, the creep factor took over. That convinced me that Diva did the right thing.
Having said that, I would love this scenario: Oprah, upon reading the blog responses, would invite Diva to her show and put her sleuths to work finding “embarassing psycho” and let him explain himself. Okay, I’m fantazing.
I had to read these blogs in installments and hope they continue to roll in. Love you Diva.
@blackvoices I have a voice. it is black. wanna hear it? http://www.dcdistrictdiva.com/?p=658
Glad you ran and here is why:
Far too often women except “craziness” just to say they have the company of a man. I know first hand that when we are in new circumstances we may not know all the proper protocol. But dinner…What adult has never been to dinner “Dingy-T” is 39. I am sure he knew a wife-beater was not approriate for the occassion. His attire signaled he didn’t give a f… about the situation, which is disrespectful. Would you advise your daughter to allow someone to be disrespectful as long as they explained the situation? My little girl won’t ever get THAT message. The blogger didn’t say she bolted because he didn’t have on(insert designer label here) She wasn’t hating on Hanes. She was hating on him wasting her time. Extra kudos for running @ 24! RUN DIVA RUN!
I am new to the site and late to the party but so glad I found it.
Being from DC, having just turned 40, single, social worker, clinical psychologist, and proud owner of a teen daughter:), experience gives me comfort in saying you DID the right thing. I understand where dad is coming from in that he wants you to overcome areas in which you need growth-Assertiveness?(again new to the site so if I’m wrong ignore my stab in the dark). But as a woman who has just as much experience as “dingy T”, I know a hustler when I see one.
This man sounds like he may be married.”Baby I’ll be right back, just gonna run to the store”, then proceeds to fly his ass down U Street on a quest to procure some new, young____________. It takes some doing for a married man to sneak out the house on a weekend when he should be with his family, chores, ball games, etc.
IMO waiting around for an explanation is a philosophy and behavior you don’t want to adopt. Some men read that as desperate. You are not desperate. Go with your gut.
I DIED and came back again. LOL Thank you so much, Ms. Chelle, for reading and sharing! I love that this conversation is still going!!
No that fool didnt! yuo know…I kinda wish you’d stayed to hear him out LOL> maybe he’d gotten in an accident and his suit was ruined. In his hurry to meet you, the woman of his dreams, he thru on the only ckean clothes he had and rushed to be by your side…yes, that’s what I’ll tell myself lol
LOLOLOLOL Well here is an update for everyone:
Well after all of the advice from my dad & all you great readers, I was feeling like maybe it was rude to just walk out, so I apologized, via text:
Me — It was rude to walk out, even though I would never have stayed long enough to have had dinner w u dressed like that anyway, unless ur excuse was “I just got robbed.” But since ur txt said there was no excuse for it, I guess we both can charge it to the game. Apologies. God Bless.
P.E.N. — I’m surprised you responded at all, but since you did, Ijust want to apologize again. I won’t make any excuses, it was unacceptable. I wish you would let me make it up to you, but I understand if you choose not to.
Me — Thanks for your apology and your understanding.
LOL case closed / mystery solved!
I am still hard pressed to find out WHY he was dressed like that. We all realized it was abhorrent, lol i just want to know why.
Ms Diva, I’ve got to give it to you. YOU ARE ONE CLASSY LADY. You ran, (with good reason) but you still called and apologized, and gave him the opportunity to explain. Classy Lady! Desperate ladies, take note. You don’t have to settle for less than respect. But it truly starts with yourself. Respect yourself, and everyone else around you will do the same.
Thank you, kindly! How nice of you 🙂
I’m late to the party, but “Barry” was right…there weren’t any excuses for showing up like that.
Correct me if I’m wrong, but didn’t he call 30 min before the date to confirm the location? People are usually (a) getting ready or (b) on their way at the 30 min mark. Therefore, I refuse to believe the “he was running late from feeding orphaned kittens and buying groceries for the church sick and shut in list.” Even if he was doing all of that, he couldn’t mention it when he talked to you before he came throw the door (ie, the “where are you? I’m here” convo)? As in “Aye, I just dropped Motha Johnson’s church cookout plate off, so I might be looking a little grungy when you see me. I didn’t want to be late.”
For everybody who’s all, “Don’t judge a book by it’s cover,” “What if he’s broke?” blah, blah, blah…I’m sorry, if he has money to go to a bar the week before, then he has money to go to Target or Wal-Mart and at least buy a nice clean t-shirt…and a bar of soap.
I also agree with Chelle: “Waiting around for an explanation is a philosophy and behavior you don’t want to adopt. Some men read that as desperate. You are not desperate.” Some people can come up with excuses for ANYTHING, and they get away with it because somebody let them “explain” the first time.
But considering comments I got on this http://www.dcdistrictdiva.com/?p=658 i kno at least 1/3 of y'all r sayin, so? maybe he had a cold!
Wow…now that is funny…39 yr old…wearing a wife beater..in public..for a date?! He should have known better…
Too much for my blood..I would have ran just as fast as you did. Thanks for the light hearted story!
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@farajiftw the worst: http://www.dcdistrictdiva.com/?p=658
@farajiftw the worst: http://www.dcdistrictdiva.com/?p=658 (via @DCDistrictDiva) #baddatefriday
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Mouth agape
All i can say is , what the hell was he thinkin’?
The world may never know
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