Snag in the Plot
I’ve been writing a book on love since Fall 2009. I recently decided that I hated everything in it and trashed it all. But starting over sucks. It is a beautiful day in the District, and even sitting in peace on my patio on my brand new patio furniture and being serenaded by the sirens of Obama’s entourage of police escorts isn’t helping this page fill up with brilliant words.
I think its the topic I’ve chosen that haunts me. Like I have no business writing a book on love because I know nothing about it. Ironic, since the entire reason I am writing the book is so that I can flush out the incompetence I’ve internalized on love by growing up watching terrible movies (like the Twilight saga — be ye not deceived, children!) and awful books like Romeo & Juliet and its progeny. The whole purpose of this book is to force myself to complete an internal investigation and to thoroughly research the topic from sources who know what they are talking about.
But then, I feel like my story is too pathetic to be released to a general audience.
It’s a terrible drug, this need for validation, to need to hear that I have a story that is worth telling before I can put anything down on the page. My need to feel and be widely acknowledged as brilliant is crushing, and time-consuming, and is ultimately a waste of time. How much honest or worthwhile glory can one broken person get from a bunch of other broken people collectively deciding that I have it all together? The definition of futility.
My need for validation is my constant writer’s block. It successfully shields my writing from integrity and truth. And that is purposeless writing. I need to write the book I still wish I could read. I need to write it for me. And if someone reads it and can apply it to life, then all the better.
Getting free from the need for human validation is a daily struggle, in every aspect of life. And this page can’t get filled until I’m all freed up to do it.
“I’ve been writing a book on love since Fall 2009. I recently decided that I hated everything in it and trashed it all. But starting over sucks.”
How metaphorical for a book on love? We’ve all been there to some extent. Good luck with your writing.
New Post: "snag in the plot" http://www.dcdistrictdiva.com/?p=308
One of the best comments ever! totally unintentional metaphor. Thanks4 reading Brent http://www.dcdistrictdiva.com/?p=308#comments
To my new favorite Diva,
I have been checking and reading your blog since you mom told me about it. Funny, I have been thinking how brilliant you are. The skinny little 9 year old I once knew has grown into an amazing young woman with an awesome mind. I kept thinking: this gal needs to write a book and share her thoughts, aspirations, lessons learned, and yes, wisdom. so am glad to read that you have been working on a book, even if you are starting over. Your talent is too great not to share. You remain in my prayers.
RT @aliyasking It's official. I have writer's block. // #theresapostforthat! "Snag in the Plot" http://www.dcdistrictdiva.com/?p=308