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	<title>fear &#8211; The Dithering of a District Diva</title>
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	<title>fear &#8211; The Dithering of a District Diva</title>
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		<title>When Does Your Black Life Matter?</title>
		<link>http://www.brookeobie.com/districtdiva/when-does-your-black-life-matter/</link>
		<comments>http://www.brookeobie.com/districtdiva/when-does-your-black-life-matter/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Sun, 12 Apr 2015 16:29:25 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Brooke Obie]]></dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[The Usual Dithering]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Aiyana Stanley-Jones]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Black Lives Matter]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Eric Harris]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[fear]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[literature]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Miriam Carey]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Our Deepest Fear]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Pecola]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Rekiya Boyd]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The Bluest Eye]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Toni Morrison]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Trayvon Martin]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Walter Scott]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.districtdiva.com/?p=3620</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[A few weeks back, I re-read Toni Morrison&#8217;s bone-chilling first novel, The Bluest Eye, and it got me to thinking about fear. The main character is a little Black girl named Pecola, who has been told and shown repeatedly throughout her life that she is ugly and worthless&#8211;so much so that she]]></description>
				<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><a href="http://www.brookeobie.com/districtdiva/when-does-your-black-life-matter/black-lives-matter-lgbt-620x300/" rel="attachment wp-att-3788"><img class="alignnone size-medium wp-image-3788" src="http://www.brookeobie.com/districtdiva/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/2015/04/black-lives-matter-lgbt-620x300-300x145.jpg" alt="black-lives-matter-lgbt-620x300" width="300" height="145" srcset="http://www.brookeobie.com/districtdiva/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/2015/04/black-lives-matter-lgbt-620x300-300x145.jpg 300w, http://www.brookeobie.com/districtdiva/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/2015/04/black-lives-matter-lgbt-620x300.jpg 620w" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" /></a></p>
<p>A few weeks back, I re-read Toni Morrison&#8217;s bone-chilling first novel, <em>The Bluest</em> <em>Eye</em>, and it got me to thinking about fear.<em> </em>The main character is a little Black girl named Pecola, who has been told and shown repeatedly throughout her life that she is ugly and worthless&#8211;so much so that she prays to God to perform a &#8216;miracle&#8217; and make her eyes blue, like Shirley Temple&#8217;s, so people will see her value and treat her  accordingly.</p>
<p>In the foreword to <em>The Bluest Eye</em>, Morrison writes that she intentionally did not write Pecola&#8217;s story to bear the weight of the novel alone, one, because the weight would &#8220;smash&#8221; the delicate and vulnerable Pecola, and two, because she didn&#8217;t want to &#8220;lead readers into the comfort of pitying her rather than into an interrogation of themselves for the smashing.&#8221; Morrison believes she failed in that effort, as &#8220;many readers remain touched but not moved.&#8221;</p>
<p>Not so, for me.</p>
<p>Ever since, I&#8217;ve been going out of my way to affirm and validate every little Black girl I see&#8211;in stores, on trains, on the sidewalk, wherever&#8211;whether with a smile or a wave or a short conversation (with parents&#8217; approval) that hopefully screams into the depths of them, <em>You are seen, baby! You were born to be loved, and you are loved!</em></p>
<p>Because, like Pecola, our fears don&#8217;t grow in us and manifest in our lives as the result of only 1 thing or 1 encounter. There are series of events that teach us whether we matter and how much, and our deepest fears&#8211;that we <em>don&#8217;t</em> in fact matter&#8211;grow into beliefs and beliefs into actions.</p>
<p>Fresh off the murder of unarmed Black man and father of 4, Walter Scott by White South Carolina police officer Michael Thomas Slager and the assault on a bus full of Black people in St. Louis whom the cops made keep their hands up for 5 minutes like a stick-up, while they &#8220;searched for a suspect,&#8221; I&#8217;ve awakened this morning to learn of the next hashtag, unarmed Black man Eric Harris, who was not only murdered by police but when he cried out, &#8220;I can&#8217;t breathe,&#8221; the police are heard on video saying, &#8220;F**k your breath.&#8221;</p>
<p><strong><em>F**k your breath</em>.</strong></p>
<p>My God.</p>
<p>We are continuously bombarded with graphic images of Black death at the hands of White police. That psychological violence does something to us, when we know any of us, or our sisters, brothers, fathers, mothers, uncles, aunts could be next. Though the police killings of Rekia Boyd, Miriam Carey, and 7-year-old Aiyana Stanley-Jones didn&#8217;t get near the universal Black outrage and support as Trayvon Martin, Michael Brown or 12-year-old Tamir Rice, Black female death by police and vigilantes is just as much of a problem.</p>
<p>So what have we learned? Running away from police won&#8217;t save you. Putting your hands up won&#8217;t save you. Fighting back sure won&#8217;t save you. Being rich and/or educated won&#8217;t save you. Being able-bodied or disabled won&#8217;t save you. Being a woman won&#8217;t save you. Being mentally ill won&#8217;t save you. Being binary or non-binary won&#8217;t save you. Being heterosexual or homosexual, asexual or intersexual won&#8217;t save you. Being a playing child or a sleeping child <em>will not save you. </em>What are you supposed to think and feel and <em>do?</em></p>
<p>In the face of so much traumatic external, physical fear, we internalize it to the point of, (often undiagnosed) emotional distress. We have been raised and are raising our children (subconsciously or otherwise) with the psychological damage that was passed down from our parents, and their parents and theirs. Anti-Blackness and misogynoir are such global, inescapable, deeply ingrained tools of oppression that even the most &#8220;woke&#8221; among us still perpetuate it. A thoughtless comment at a family reunion that a little niece carries with her into adulthood. A father&#8217;s dismissal. A mother&#8217;s criticism. A store clerk&#8217;s impatience and a Black girl&#8217;s general invisibility is compounded by everything she sees in the media about herself and everything Black boys and men, who should&#8217;ve been her brothers or fathers or lovers and defenders, do to her, instead affirm for her her deepest fears, that she is, in fact, inadequate, unsatisfactory, unpretty, minuscule, of no importance.</p>
<p>And the outside world, her oppressors, smash her with their &#8216;guilt&#8217; and pity instead of interrogating themselves for the smashing.</p>
<p>So, we date inappropriate men who affirm for us how we already have been socialized to feel about ourselves. Or we desperately hold onto people we should&#8217;ve never gotten caught up with in the first place. We regard Black women, Black skin, Black hair, Black features as generally less-than, inherently negative&#8211;unless White women possess those same features&#8211;and treat Black women and girls accordingly. When the White world kicks us down, we go home to our Black families and blame them for the fall. We use young Black women to boost our waning egos and discard them at leisure. Or we focus our energy on how we dress and the car we drive and the career we&#8217;ve built for ourselves. We rest on the success of our family name or do whatever we can to make a new name for ourselves and escape the family we see as causing us pain.</p>
<p>We shuck and jive or put our fists in the air. We tell each other to wear appropriate clothing to be taken seriously, don&#8217;t litter, don&#8217;t acknowledge psychological pain but also don&#8217;t do drugs to numb it. We go to college or we join the police force. We peacefully protest or we riot. Be closeted and respectable or be out and proud. Be patriarchal and oppressive or intersectional. We get married and have children or we avoid having children at all costs until the world deserves them, or because we simply don&#8217;t want to. We organize or we criticize the organizers for not having a &#8216;plan&#8217;. We support our young people or we dismiss them as &#8216;too radical&#8217;. We say, no justice, no peace, or we say &#8216;extend a hand in love&#8217; to White people ad make them feel good and safe when we never not one day have that luxury in this country. We say &#8220;All lives matter&#8221; or BLACK LIVES MATTER. Or we do nothing at all.</p>
<p>Pick any of the above&#8211;we&#8217;ll still be Black. And being Black has life-and-death, physical, emotional and psychological consequences that are based on the totally irrational system of White supremacy and White fear of Blackness.</p>
<p>And as dream hampton says, there is no right or smart or better way to cope with irrational White fear.</p>
<p>So what can we do about fear so deeply ingrained in them and therefore in us? Though internalized systemic racism in individual Black people causes harm to other Black people (like that Black officer who stood by as Michael Slager planted a weapon on a dead Walter Scott), can we judge them? Can any of us judge the way we cope with somebody else&#8217;s system of irrational fear and psychological warfare?</p>
<p>I have no answers. We&#8217;re all just trying to feel better.</p>
<p>I just want the system of White Supremacy uprooted and destroyed at the source. I want White agents of the State to stop killing us with impunity. I want every Black life to matter. I want to be seen and I want to see.</p>
<p>And if no one else has told you today:</p>
<p>Your breath matters. Your life matters. You were meant for more than this. You do not deserve this. You are inherently worthy. The God of this universe created you intentionally and your Black life mattered to Him even before you blessed the earth with your presence. His glorious light lives inside of you. He is on your side. <em>You, baby, were born to be loved and are loved.</em></p>
<p>So fight back against any force that would tell you otherwise, fight for your <em>life</em> however you can.</p>
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		<item>
		<title>Good Friday, Hindsight and the Privilege of Waiting</title>
		<link>http://www.brookeobie.com/districtdiva/good-friday-hindsight-and-the-privilege-of-waiting/</link>
		<comments>http://www.brookeobie.com/districtdiva/good-friday-hindsight-and-the-privilege-of-waiting/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Fri, 03 Apr 2015 07:00:14 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Brooke Obie]]></dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[The Usual Dithering]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[courage]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[doubt]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Easter]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[fear]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Good Friday]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[hindsight]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Hope]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Jesus]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Love]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Resurrection]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Sacrifice]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[trouble]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Trust]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[victory]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[worry]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.districtdiva.com/?p=3617</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[We all know that hindsight is 20/20. Knowing what we know now, many of us would go back in time and do things differently if we could, or at the least attempt to prepare our former selves for what&#8217;s coming. It&#8217;s significantly easier to make better choices when we know]]></description>
				<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><a href="http://www.brookeobie.com/districtdiva/good-friday-hindsight-and-the-privilege-of-waiting/good-friday-austria-600x300/" rel="attachment wp-att-3792"><img class="alignnone size-medium wp-image-3792" src="http://www.brookeobie.com/districtdiva/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/2015/04/good-friday-austria-600x300-300x150.jpg" alt="good-friday-austria-600x300" width="300" height="150" srcset="http://www.brookeobie.com/districtdiva/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/2015/04/good-friday-austria-600x300-300x150.jpg 300w, http://www.brookeobie.com/districtdiva/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/2015/04/good-friday-austria-600x300.jpg 600w" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" /></a></p>
<p>We all know that hindsight is 20/20. Knowing what we know now, many of us would go back in time and do things differently if we could, or at the least attempt to prepare our former selves for what&#8217;s coming. It&#8217;s significantly easier to make better choices when we know the outcome of things.</p>
<p>Evidence of this fact is all over our declaration of the day we remember Christ&#8217;s brutal, unjust torture and murder as the <em>Good</em> Friday. Thousands of years later, we can confidently say this day was for our collective good, because its the day that Christ decided to die in our places for the sins we did and have and will commit. Because of Christ sacrificing Himself for us, we are totally free from the consequences of sin (death, eternal separation from God), from societal boundaries, from traditions, from all things that would bind and limit our mind, body and soul&#8211;and that&#8217;s not just good, that&#8217;s AMAZING! What a gift!</p>
<p>But you know who wasn&#8217;t thinking like that on the first Good Friday? The Marys, Martha, Christ&#8217;s disciples, all the people He&#8217;d healed, all the people He touched, all the people who believed in Him and His place as King of Kings. They were devastated. They were distraught. Who wouldn&#8217;t be after seeing a loved one so horribly treated? They completely lost hope and faith, because Christ sacrificing Himself on a cross was not what they envisioned their Savior would do. He was supposed to establish an earthly kingdom and overthrow the oppressive rulers of the day. He was supposed to be crowned with glory and majesty in front of everybody&#8217;s eyes on earth and at a time the disciples believed would be very soon.</p>
<p>Instead, He was nailed to a cross, pierced in His side and crowned with thorns&#8211;all after being beaten and tortured and spat on and mocked. Not only that, when He was dying, God turned His back on His Son and the sky turned black. No one could see or understand what God was up to. The disciples fled for their lives and Peter even denied ever meeting Jesus, let alone being one of Christ&#8217;s most trusted confidants&#8211;three times! That&#8217;s how deep and immediate their despair was.</p>
<p>I used to find myself getting frustrated with some of the people documented in the Bible, thinking, if <em>I</em> had walked and talked and ate with Jesus in the flesh, I&#8217;d never doubt! If I&#8217;d witnessed Christ performing miracles time and time and time again, I&#8217;d always believe! It&#8217;s not like Christ didn&#8217;t tell them all of this would happen and not to worry because 3 days later, He would rise again, reconciling all of us to God. What&#8217;s to doubt?</p>
<p>It&#8217;s amazing how easy it is to make the right choices when looking back on someone else&#8217;s situation.</p>
<p>But what we fail to realize is that Good Friday moments, days, <em>years </em>even, for some of us, are happening to us right now. In some area of life, the sky has gone black and you can&#8217;t see where you&#8217;re going and you don&#8217;t know what God is doing. You are overwhelmed with questions and you feel like you have no answers. The disciples only had to wait 3 days and they barely did that; some of us have been waiting for years for God to light the sky back up and give us clarity and direction, to grant us healing or at the very least, peace. Still, our prayers, our cries, our silent anguish seem to have gone unanswered.</p>
<p><em>I&#8217;m in pain, God, please hear me! </em><em>Have mercy on me and answer me!</em></p>
<p>And nothing. Sometimes, my situation seems to get worse, as my support system wanes when I need it the most. Instead of relief, sometimes I feel farther away from God than I ever felt before crying out. <em>What gives, God?</em></p>
<p>One of my favorite things that I&#8217;ve learned from my pastor is that if we look to Christ as our genie, we will have a very hard time feeling loved by God when we don&#8217;t get what we ask for. That&#8217;s a word with teeth.</p>
<p>Even if the things we ask for we believe are good things&#8211;love, careers, families, wealth (the Bill Gates kind, not the Steve Jobs kind)&#8211;God doesn&#8217;t have to give these things to us to prove His love for us. It&#8217;s already been proven thousands of years ago. He would not come down from the cross just to save Himself; He decided to die, just to save us. That&#8217;s the ultimate love in action: sacrifice! And this is where hindsight ought to be kicking in for us. We ought to be reminding ourselves that we already know how this story ends: God gets the victory. What&#8217;s to worry about?</p>
<p>Whatever lonely, directionless, painful time we&#8217;re facing right now will not last forever; our God has conquered sin, death and the grave. Nothing can keep us bound! Christ Himself <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="http://biblehub.com/john/16-33.htm" target="_blank">said</a></strong></span>, &#8220;I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.&#8221;</p>
<p>&#8216;Take heart&#8217; means to have courage, to get ahold of yourself. If you can&#8217;t remember who you are at your core, at the very least, remember who your God is. The Almighty Creator, the ultimate provider, the all-wise God. Then you can remember who you are because of Christ. You are a joint-heir to the kingdom of God with Jesus Christ. You are a child of the Most High God, right this second, just as you are, you are wholly accepted and unconditionally loved. The God who laid His life down for you, who freed you from every chain, who promised to never leave you nor forsake you is on your side!</p>
<p>Knowing that, with all of your heart, can&#8217;t you be patient with God a little longer? Even if you have to take the <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="http://ak-hdl.buzzfed.com/static/2015-03/6/12/imagebuzz/webdr02/anigif_optimized-8230-1425662540-10.gif" target="_blank">Kimmy Schmidt</a></strong></span> route and just ask God for enough grace to get you through the next 10 seconds, and then the next 10 minutes and then the next day. Slow down as much as you can, get still so you can hear what He has to say.</p>
<p>And in your time waiting for Him to speak, pray that He open your ears and eyes and heart to hear and see His truth all around you. Stay in His presence until you hear from Him. Surround yourself with godly people who will pray with you and speak life into you. Take this period of waiting as an opportunity and privilege to get closer to Him. Tune your ear to God&#8217;s voice.</p>
<p>Be confident that He who overcame every trouble in the world can handle whatever your situation is&#8211;and most important, that He <em>wants</em> to handle it. Surrender it to Him. And move to the point where you can pray like Christ, &#8220;Take this cup from me; but if not, Thy will be done.&#8221; You may very well hear what Paul heard when He pleaded with God 3 times to remove the thorns in His life; God said, &#8220;My grace is sufficient for you and My power is made strong in your weakness.&#8221;</p>
<p>Trust that. Don&#8217;t lose hope. Don&#8217;t drop your faith. Take heart. The God of the universe is on your side. God hears you. He knows the number of hairs on your head. You&#8217;re His child. You are not alone. He will <em>never</em> leave you alone.</p>
<p>I&#8217;ve tried over and over to do things my own way&#8211;I fail every time. What a privilege to rest in the arms of the all-knowing God. What a beautiful reminder this Good Friday gives us, that God is still God. He&#8217;s got this. #ItsHandled. Let&#8217;s let Him do what He does best: Be God.</p>
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		</item>
		<item>
		<title>Why Break-Ups Don&#039;t Break Me Anymore</title>
		<link>http://www.brookeobie.com/districtdiva/why-break-ups-dont-break-me-anymore/</link>
		<comments>http://www.brookeobie.com/districtdiva/why-break-ups-dont-break-me-anymore/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Mon, 26 Nov 2012 09:31:21 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Brooke Obie]]></dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Guest Blogger]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Beverly Winstead]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Boundaries in Dating]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Break-up]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Christian Dating]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Christian living]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Dating]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[devastating]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[fear]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Mistress]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[relationships]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Safe Dating]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.districtdiva.com/?p=3041</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Guest Blogger Beverly Winstead shares 4 ways to guard your heart while dating]]></description>
				<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><em>Guest Blog By Beverly Winstead</em></p>
<p>“I’m okay with being the Mistress” – that’s the title of an article I just read on <strong><span style="text-decoration: underline"><a href="http://www.ebony.com/love-sex/confessions-im-okay-with-being-the-mistress-118http://www.ebony.com/love-sex/confessions-im-okay-with-being-the-mistress-118http://www.ebony.com/love-sex/confessions-im-okay-with-being-the-mistress-118" target="_blank">EBONY.com</a></span></strong>.  In the article, the female author admits that, because of all the hurt and pain she had been through in past relationships, she’s made a conscious choice to date in a “safe way,” i.e. by enjoying a married man’s company, vacations, candlelight dinners, gifts and of course passionate sex. While I do believe there is a &#8220;safe way&#8221; to date, this is certainly not it.</p>
<p>Don&#8217;t get me wrong: I can definitely relate to this anonymous woman’s desire to be finished with the hurt that relationships and dating can bring.  In the past four or five years, I have been involved in several relationships that have ended, for one reason or another. My most recent relationship ended abruptly when after 10 ½ months of committed dating, my boyfriend sent me a text saying that he needed time to figure out what he wanted in a relationship. This text came after his inexplicable two-week-hiatus from our relationship – he had not returned any of my phone calls or had any communication with me during this period.  I was shocked, first by his silence and second by his decision to text me a break-up message. After all we had been through together, not to mention we had grown up together, I believed we had built a mutual respect and trust for one another that allowed us to communicate with each other freely and honestly.  I was wrong.  And yes, I was extremely disappointed.</p>
<p>Despite this hurtful and abrupt ending, however, I was happy to discover that the end of this relationship did not leave me devastated as the ending of other past relationships had.  The difference with this relationship was that this time, I had read a Christian dating book called “<span style="text-decoration: underline"><strong><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Boundaries-Dating-Healthy-Choices-Relationships/dp/0310200342" target="_blank">Boundaries in Dating</a></strong></span>,” by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend prior to dating this man and I had implemented four strategies from the book that helped me to make healthy dating choices:</p>
<p>(1) I was patient.  We talked on the phone every night for at least 2-3 hours for about 6 months before we ever went out on a date; this is what I considered our friendship stage.  Learning from past experiences, I knew this time around that I wanted to be friends with the person that I was dating.  The book explains that friendship and shared values are essential to successful relationships. Also, patience is the weapon that forces deceit to reveal itself.  People can only put on an act for so long before they let their true colors slip out. Nothing can be lost by taking the time to really get to know who you&#8217;re dating.</p>
<p>(2) I listened closely to what he said and watched what he did.  There were a couple of things that he said during our “getting to know each other stage” that raise red flags with me so I definitely made mental notes and proceeded cautiously.  In the past I may have dismissed those red flags because I wanted the relationship to work. This time, I wanted the relationship to be healthy and I trusted God enough that I could address those warning signs without fear.</p>
<p>(3) I stayed connected to my family and friends and gathered support from them.  The book teaches about how important it is to stay involved with your own activities, friends and community while dating.  This is important because friends and family can see the relationship and make honest, objective assessments about the character of the person that you are dating.  Furthermore, if the relationship ends, then your connection to your life before you met Mr. Seems Right is still intact.</p>
<p>(4) I set appropriate physical limits.  The book discusses the importance of being sexually abstinent.  Not only is it God’s will, but as the book explains, setting boundaries with sex are a sure-fire way to know if someone loves you for you.  In the past I had slipped up in this area. This time because I had set physical limits, when the relationship ended, I felt more whole and like I had more integrity.  I believe that sex and the heart are connected.  For me sex is connected to love, relationship and commitment.  It is the highest value that I can give to someone and I don’t want to give myself away for someone who has not invested the time, energy and even finances (i.e., a wedding ring).  I know that I am worth the investment.</p>
<p>Relationships are tricky and can be messy &#8212; whenever people you care about are involved, you can guarantee your feelings will get hurt. That&#8217;s a part of life.  But what I have learned through my latest relationship is that when you set appropriate, godly boundaries in dating, your heart will be <em>safe </em>&#8212; well-guarded and well-preserved.  Though the relationship may not work out, it will not leave you broken, bitter and unable to love and receive the love God has for you in the future.</p>
<p><em>Follow Beverly Winstead on Twitter @<strong><span style="text-decoration: underline"><a href="http://www.twitter.com/winsteadlaw" target="_blank">WinsteadLaw</a></span></strong></em>.</p>
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		<title>No Small Dreams</title>
		<link>http://www.brookeobie.com/districtdiva/no-small-dreams/</link>
		<comments>http://www.brookeobie.com/districtdiva/no-small-dreams/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 04 May 2010 05:42:58 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Brooke Obie]]></dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[The Usual Dithering]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[dream interpretation]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[dreams]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[fear]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[giants]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[God]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Grey's Anatomy]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[insecurity]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Obama]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[writing]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.dcdistrictdiva.com/?p=390</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[I dreamed I was at a party for the President.  I was decked out in a yellow gown with my curly hair pinned up and both ears and wrists dripping with diamonds.  I went outside of the arena to greet the President when to my horror, I noticed that he]]></description>
				<content:encoded><![CDATA[<div id="attachment_391" style="width: 310px" class="wp-caption aligncenter"><a href="http://www.dcdistrictdiva.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/protecttheking.jpg"><img class="size-medium wp-image-391" title="protecttheking" src="http://www.dcdistrictdiva.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/protecttheking-300x240.jpg" alt="" width="300" height="240" /></a><p class="wp-caption-text">From http://www.todaysdrum.com/2095/5-fascinating-facts-about-obamas-security/  </p></div>
<p>I dreamed I was at a party for the President.  I was decked out in a yellow gown with my curly hair pinned up and both ears and wrists dripping with diamonds.  I went outside of the arena to greet the President when to my horror, I noticed that he had no secret service protection.  He was being mobbed by the adoring guests and I had to stop it.</p>
<p>Thinking quickly, I ran back into the arena to grab large men to guard Obama for the night.  There was a competition going on, for men and women, and I skirted past my sister who was lined up in the hallway with the other women who were competing.  Fully focused on the mission, I ran to the opposite hallway where the men were lined up.  Four tall and muscular men in dashing tuxedos looked quite appropriate for the role of temporary bodyguard.  I motioned them close to me and whispered, &#8220;which of you will stand in service to your country?&#8221; (Clearly, a dream).  Two of them looked at me as if they discovered my secret&#8211;<a href="http://www.dcdistrictdiva.com/?p=29">I&#8217;m crazy and thus have crazy dreams</a>.  The other two, eagerly and blindly followed me outside.</p>
<p><span id="more-390"></span></p>
<p>But the President was no where in sight.  My heart sank.  <em>Had something happened to him</em>? I searched frantically for him.  &#8220;Where is the President?!&#8221; I screamed.  &#8220;He left.&#8221; Someone informed me. &#8220;Something about an explosion in the hallways.  It&#8217;s not safe.&#8221; <em>In the hallways</em>. My heart stopped beating.</p>
<p>I ran back into the arena in a desperate search for my sister whom I had just left in the hallway.  I had just brushed past her because I was on a mission. Because I would see her again. Because&#8230;</p>
<p>&#8220;Where is my sister?!&#8221; I asked familiar faces. &#8220;She&#8217;s gone.&#8221; A man&#8217;s chilling response.  &#8220;She was in the hallway. Something exploded. They&#8217;re all gone.&#8221;  The two men I had pulled out of the hallway to serve the President suddenly reappeared, high-fiving eachother for making the right choice. &#8220;That could&#8217;ve been us!&#8221; They laughed.</p>
<p>I felt sick.  I was dizzy. The room was spinning.  And then I saw my parents.  They seemed pointedly less concerned.  I asked again where my sister was, and they did not know.  Another young man volunteered, &#8220;she&#8217;s gone.  Look, here&#8217;s her jacket. This is all that&#8217;s left of her.&#8221; It was a yellow jacket.  &#8220;That, and this purse.&#8221;  The purse was ugly&#8211;and empty.  &#8220;She&#8217;s gone.&#8221;</p>
<p>I couldn&#8217;t take it. &#8220;NO!&#8221; I yelled and I raced toward the hallway where I had last seen her.  Lined up exactly as the men and women were lined up in the hallway stood a row of black helium balloons with black plastic anchors and silver backs.  On the balloons read the haunting words &#8220;Goodbye&#8221; in bold red.  &#8220;No. NO!&#8221; I continued to yell and run through the hallway, until I ran myself awake, in a fevered sweat.</p>
<p>I immediately called my sister, terrified.  And, thankfully, she answered&#8211;not &#8220;gone,&#8221; after all.  Even though she was at work, she looked up everything I told her had happened in my dream in her <a href="http://www.dreammoods.com/dreamdictionary/">dream dictionary</a>.</p>
<p style="padding-left: 30px"><span style="color: #ff00ff"><strong>President </strong></span><span style="color: #ff00ff"><br />
To see the president of your country in your dream, symbolizes  authority, power and control. It may also represent your own personal views and  opinions of the presidents and his actions. </span></p>
<p><span style="color: #ff00ff"><span style="color: #000000">This is plausible.  It could be as simple as the fact that I&#8217;d heard the President had left the White House without secret service, recently.  I never researched whether that claim was true. I do love our President and want him to be safe and would always do whatever I could to ensure that.  But maybe it means something more.  If the President represents authority, power and control, and it is unguarded, perhaps I am feeling particularly vulnerable and powerless.  Like my destiny is completely out of my hands.  This would not be too far off&#8230;</span></span></p>
<p><span style="color: #ff00ff"><span style="color: #000000">Initially, I believed that my dream meant my sister had <em>died</em> in my dream.  Yes, something had exploded, and yes there were balloons in the place of people that read &#8220;goodbye,&#8221; but now I think that she only <em>disappeared</em> in my dream.  The interpretation makes more sense:</span></span></p>
<p style="padding-left: 30px"><span style="color: #ff00ff"><strong><span style="color: #0066cc;font-size: medium">Disappear </span> </strong></span><span style="color: #ff00ff"><span style="font-size: medium"><br />
</span> <span style="font-size: small"> To dream that people or objects are disappearing right before your eyes,  signifies your anxiety and insecurities over the notion that loved ones  might disappear out of your life. You may feel that you cannot depend  on someone and feel that you are alone and inadequate. You need to work  on your self-image and self-esteem. </span></span></p>
<p>I would love to spend more time with my sister.  I am always asking her to come to the city and visit me.  And while most times I love it, around this time at night, I do feel very much alone. And yes, even inadequate.  Although I can&#8217;t imagine a person with a higher self-image or self-esteem&#8230;</p>
<p style="padding-left: 30px"><span style="color: #ff00ff"><strong>Yellow </strong></span><span style="color: #ff00ff"><br />
If the dream is an unpleasant one, then the color represents cowardice and sickness. You may have a fear or an inability to make a decision or take action. As a result, you are experiencing many setbacks. </span></p>
<p><span style="color: #ff00ff"><span style="color: #000000">The yellow dress in my dream, was gorgeous. I was gorgeous in it.  So, what am I afraid of in my waking life? It isn&#8217;t the Bar&#8211;I am genuinely apathetic. It isn&#8217;t writing&#8211;I have never been more on my grind.  It isn&#8217;t love&#8211;I&#8217;ve never been more open to it.  I have no idea. But, now that you mention it, I <em>have </em>been experiencing many setbacks&#8230;</span></span></p>
<p style="padding-left: 30px"><span style="color: #ff00ff"><strong>Purse </strong></span><span style="color: #ff00ff"> </span><span style="color: #ff00ff"> </span><span style="color: #ff00ff"><br />
</span> <span style="color: #ff00ff">To see an empty purse,  represents feelings of insecurity or vulnerability.</span></p>
<p><span style="color: #ff00ff"><span style="color: #000000">My sister&#8217;s purse was empty, so maybe she was the one feeling insecure or vulnerable, although clearly that fits right into my narrative du jour&#8230;</span></span></p>
<p style="padding-left: 30px"><span style="color: #ff00ff"><strong>Balloon </strong><br />
To see balloons in your dream, indicates declining hopes in your search for love. A situation in your life will take a turn downward. Balloons also represent arrogance and an inflated opinion of yourself. If you see black balloons in your dream, then it symbolizes depression,  especially if the balloons are descending. </span></p>
<p style="padding-left: 30px"><span style="color: #ff00ff">To see an ascending  balloon in your dream, signifies frustrating conditions in your life in which  you are seeking to rise above. You are expressing a desire to escape.</span></p>
<p><span style="color: #ff00ff"><span style="color: #000000">Burn.  I would not say my hopes in my search for love are <em>declining</em>&#8211;outloud&#8230;That would make for a truly depressing book! And &#8220;arrogance&#8221; is such a strong word.  I prefer. &#8220;self-aware,&#8221; thank-you-very-much. Black balloons and depression.  I rebuke it. Been there, done that, never going back again.  Besides, the balloons, although weighted down, were attempting to <em>ascend</em>, which means that I am frustrated with conditions in my life and I am seeking to rise above. Check and check!  But I am not <em>expressing</em> a desire to escape. I am getting up out.  Moves are already being made. And what&#8217;s more, the balloons said &#8220;goodbye&#8221; on them.  Perhaps I am saying goodbye to depression, to frustrating conditions, goodbye to declining hopes in my search for the definition of love, goodbye to downward situations, and goodbye to arrogance! *I receive all of that!*<br />
</span></span></p>
<p>***************************************************************************************************************</p>
<p><span style="color: #ff00ff"><span style="color: #000000">But last night, I dreamed of a giant.  The same giant that has been haunting my dreams for years.  He isn&#8217;t always a giant in my dreams, though, but always Big. And last night, I was so small.  I was at a school event and I was trying to crawl onto the bleachers, but I couldn&#8217;t. I was grunting trying to get one leg over so I could pull myself up, but it was to no avail.  And suddenly, he was next to me on the bleachers.  He had giant hands.  He reached down and pulled me up, but didn&#8217;t set me on the bleachers, he swung my legs around the back of his neck and he ran around the gym with me on his back for the school to see.  I was blushing like a 12 year-old.  Everything was fluttering. It was all I ever wanted. </span></span></p>
<p><span style="color: #ff00ff"><span style="color: #000000">He set me down, eventually, and I could not stop smiling.  Even when he abandoned me for someone else, I could not stop smiling because I had had that moment.  And everyone saw.  No one could take that away. </span></span></p>
<p><span style="color: #ff00ff"><span style="color: #000000">I woke up feeling like a complete idiot, and horrified that I might have accidentally slipped back into the pathetic stage of my life that I&#8217;d only recovered from a short while ago.  I looked up what dreaming of a giant meant.</span></span></p>
<p style="padding-left: 30px"><span style="color: #ff00ff"><strong><span style="color: #0066cc;font-size: medium"><span style="color: #ff00ff">Giant</span> </span> </strong><span style="font-size: medium"><br />
</span><span style="font-size: small">A giant symbolizes an issue, a person or a feeling that  is dominating you. You are having an inferiority complex.</span> </span></p>
<p><span style="color: #ff00ff"><span style="color: #000000">I do not believe for a minute that I am regressing back into that pathetic ghost of me, that stranger that I hope to never know again.  Instead, I&#8217;d like to think that this dream was just an <em>Izzie</em> <em>moment</em>.  Like when Izzie gets metastatic melanoma that metastasizes in her brain as tumors and she hallucinates about Denny and only Denny&#8211;her dead fiancee.  But she doesn&#8217;t see Denny because he is this great love of her life. She&#8217;s now in love with Alex, and Alex is her &#8220;future.&#8221;  But Denny keeps coming to her because she associates Denny with death and dying, and she thinks she is dying.</span></span></p>
<p><span style="color: #ff00ff"><span style="color: #000000">In the same vein, then, dreaming about this giant doesn&#8217;t necessarily  mean what I feared it meant.  Maybe I just associate him with inferiority, unworthiness, and powerlessness because that is how I felt around him.  Since the time after him was the most overwhelming experience I have ever had, perhaps now, whenever I am feeling a twinge of inferiority and powerlessness, it reminds me of that time, and I&#8217;ll dream of him. Perhaps the dream is warning me that I am still settling for that one lap around the gym&#8211;that small taste of what it is I want&#8211; and am blushing and smiling, and <em>content</em>, instead of demanding more.  Demanding <em>it all</em>.<br />
</span></span></p>
<p><span style="color: #ff00ff"><span style="color: #000000">Sigh.</span></span></p>
<p><span style="color: #ff00ff"><span style="color: #000000">So God is telling me through these dreams that I have a choice: I can (1) keep being small, and needy, and afraid, and content with receiving less than what He intends for me to receive; or (2) I can wholeheartedly walk in the authority I have been given through God and be who I am supposed to be, accepting every blessing, and dreaming no small dreams. </span></span></p>
<p><span style="color: #ff00ff"><span style="color: #000000">While I am definitely on the right track, I know I am not living up to my potential.  I could write better. I could write more. I could <em>be </em>more.  I could pitch more stories a day than I pitch.  I could be farther along in the research I am doing for the book I am writing.  I could give 100% at work.  Heck, I could give %70 at work. </span></span></p>
<p><span style="color: #ff00ff"><span style="color: #000000">I can write about it, or I can be about it.  What I do and how much I give are solely in my control.  And that scares me to death.<br />
</span></span></p>
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