<?xml version="1.0" encoding="UTF-8"?><rss version="2.0" xmlns:content="http://purl.org/rss/1.0/modules/content/" xmlns:wfw="http://wellformedweb.org/CommentAPI/" xmlns:dc="http://purl.org/dc/elements/1.1/" xmlns:atom="http://www.w3.org/2005/Atom" xmlns:sy="http://purl.org/rss/1.0/modules/syndication/" xmlns:slash="http://purl.org/rss/1.0/modules/slash/" > <channel> <title>Ratchets of the Bible – The Dithering of a District Diva</title> <atom:link href="http://www.brookeobie.com/districtdiva/tag/ratchets-of-the-bible/feed/" rel="self" type="application/rss+xml" /> <link>http://www.brookeobie.com/districtdiva</link> <description>Chasing God + Purpose</description> <lastBuildDate>Mon, 12 Sep 2022 06:19:46 +0000</lastBuildDate> <language>en-US</language> <sy:updatePeriod>hourly</sy:updatePeriod> <sy:updateFrequency>1</sy:updateFrequency> <generator>https://wordpress.org/?v=4.9.26</generator> <image> <url>http://www.brookeobie.com/districtdiva/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/2016/03/cropped-District-Diva-Brooke-Obie-1-32x32.jpg</url> <title>Ratchets of the Bible – The Dithering of a District Diva</title> <link>http://www.brookeobie.com/districtdiva</link> <width>32</width> <height>32</height> </image> <item> <title>Ratchets of the Bible: The Jealous King Saul</title> <link>http://www.brookeobie.com/districtdiva/ratchets-of-the-bible-the-jealous-king-saul/</link> <comments>http://www.brookeobie.com/districtdiva/ratchets-of-the-bible-the-jealous-king-saul/#respond</comments> <pubDate>Thu, 16 Jan 2014 15:49:10 +0000</pubDate> <dc:creator><![CDATA[Brooke Obie]]></dc:creator> <category><![CDATA[Ratchets of the Bible]]></category> <category><![CDATA[confusion]]></category> <category><![CDATA[David and Goliath]]></category> <category><![CDATA[David and Jonathan]]></category> <category><![CDATA[failure]]></category> <category><![CDATA[idiocy]]></category> <category><![CDATA[King Saul]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Murder]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.districtdiva.com/?p=3386</guid> <description><![CDATA[ Welcome back to my newest series “Ratchets of the Bible“. Don’t miss the foolishness, SUBSCRIBE! BACKGROUND (1 Samuel 18-1 Samuel 19): You may know the story of David and the giant, Goliath, but what happens to David afterward is nothing short of ratchet. With the help of God, David kills]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<p style="text-align: center"> Welcome back to my newest series “<a href="http://www.districtdiva.com/category/ratchets-of-the-bible/" target="_blank"><span style="text-decoration: underline"><strong>Ratchets of the Bible</strong></span></a>“. Don’t miss the foolishness, <span style="text-decoration: underline"><strong><a href="http://feedburner.google.com/fb/a/mailverify?uri=TheDitheringOfADistrictDiva&loc=en_US" target="_blank">SUBSCRIBE</a></strong></span>!</p> <p><strong>BACKGROUND (<span style="text-decoration: underline"><a href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1%20Samuel%2018&version=NIV" target="_blank">1 Samuel 18-1 Samuel 19</a></span>):</strong> You may know the story of David and the giant, Goliath, but what happens to David afterward is nothing short of ratchet. With the help of God, David kills Goliath for King Saul and Saul is very pleased with David. Saul’s son, Jonathan, is very fond of David, so Saul lets David live in the palace with them and gives David a high rank in the army. David kills many Philistines for Saul and Saul is HAPPY.</p> <p><img alt="" src="http://31.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m3xoa6EAV11r3ovdbo1_400.gif" /></p> <p>But not for long. People start praising David as the superior warrior because God’s anointing is clearly on David as he’s had great victories over the Philistines in many wars. In his jealousy, King Saul tries several times to kill David. He FAILS.</p> <p><img alt="31 GIFs That Will Make You Laugh Every Time" src="http://s3-ec.buzzfed.com/static/2013-11/enhanced/webdr03/21/12/anigif_enhanced-buzz-27266-1385053487-9.gif" /></p> <p>Jonathan finds out and warns David, <a href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1%20Samuel%2019&version=NIV" target="_blank"><span style="text-decoration: underline"><strong>saying</strong> </span></a>““My father Saul is looking for a chance to kill you. Be on your guard tomorrow morning; go into hiding and stay there” until Jonathan could figure out if Saul <em>really </em>intends to kill David.</p> <p><img alt="" src="http://media1.giphy.com/media/rJ0w60oeJ3Im4/giphy.gif" /></p> <p>Of course, Saul lies and says he would never harm David, so Jonathan brings David back and Saul tries to have David killed again so David goes back into hiding. <strong>THIS CYCLE OF DAVID HIDING AND COMING BACK GOES ON MORE THAN ONCE.</strong></p> <p>Which brings us to:</p> <p><span style="text-decoration: underline"><strong><a href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1+Samuel+20%3A24-32&version=NLT" target="_blank">1 Samuel 20: 24-32</a> (</strong></span>New Living Translation (NLT))</p> <div> <p><strong>24</strong> So David hid himself in the field <strong>[EDITOR’S NOTE: AGAIN]</strong>, and when the new moon festival began, the king sat down to eat. 25 He sat at his usual place against the wall, with Jonathan sitting opposite him and Abner beside him. But David’s place was empty. <strong>26</strong> Saul didn’t say anything about it that day, for he said to himself, “Something must have made David ceremonially unclean.” <strong>27</strong> But when David’s place was empty again the next day, Saul asked Jonathan, “Why hasn’t the son of Jesse been here for the meal either yesterday or today?”</p> <p><strong>28</strong> Jonathan replied, “David earnestly asked me if he could go to Bethlehem. <strong>29</strong> He said, ‘Please let me go, for we are having a family sacrifice. My brother demanded that I be there. So please let me get away to see my brothers.’ That’s why he isn’t here at the king’s table.”</p> <p><strong>30</strong> Saul boiled with rage at Jonathan. “You stupid son of a whore!”</p> <p><img alt="" src="http://www.abload.de/img/oopsr5sns.gif" /></p> <p>he swore at him. “Do you think I don’t know that you want him to be king in your place, shaming yourself and your mother? <strong>31 </strong>As long as that son of Jesse is alive, you’ll never be king. Now go and get him so I can kill him!”</p> <p><img alt="" src="https://d16jfyletng9p5.cloudfront.net/media/NMkDjJP2ZC29G/giphy.gif" /></p> <p>32 “But why should he be put to death?” Jonathan asked his father. “What has he done?” 33 Then Saul hurled his spear at Jonathan, intending to kill him. <strong><em>So at last Jonathan realized that his father was really determined to kill David.</em> </strong>[emphasis added]</p> <p><img alt="" src="http://31.media.tumblr.com/1345c4ff353da64569e0a03bc20dce82/tumblr_ml1geaAc2d1rwcc6bo1_250.gif" width="300" height="300" /></p> </div> <p><strong>The Takeaway:</strong></p> <p>We all want to think the best about people we love, especially those we have known all of our lives (like a parent) or someone who has shown us tremendous kindness in the past (like a mentor). How and Ever, if that person repeatedly tells you and then proceeds to show you that they intend you harm, LISTEN and govern yourself accordingly. Don’t let it take a spear to the head to get your attention.</p> <p><strong>SPOILER ALERT</strong>: Saul dies and David becomes king and God blesses David so much that He sends Jesus to be born of David’s bloodline. So if you’re like Saul and jealous of someone else’s inevitable victory, know that it doesn’t end well for you. Thank God for the blessings He has given to you. Ask God to fill you with joy for the success of others–even your enemies–and for peace about the change in your own circumstances. Figure out what God created YOU and YOU ALONE to do for His glory and do it with your whole heart!</p> <p>King Saul will definitely make another appearance in this series because his entire life was a ratchet fairy tale; So make sure you <strong><span style="text-decoration: underline;color: #ff00ff"><a href="http://feedburner.google.com/fb/a/mailverify?uri=TheDitheringOfADistrictDiva&loc=en_US"><span style="color: #ff00ff;text-decoration: underline">SUBSCRIBE</span></a></span> </strong>and let your friends and fam in on the funnest Bible study ever!</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>http://www.brookeobie.com/districtdiva/ratchets-of-the-bible-the-jealous-king-saul/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> <item> <title>Ratchets of the Bible: Jephthah and His Daughter</title> <link>http://www.brookeobie.com/districtdiva/ratchets-of-the-bible-jephthah/</link> <comments>http://www.brookeobie.com/districtdiva/ratchets-of-the-bible-jephthah/#comments</comments> <pubDate>Fri, 03 Jan 2014 12:16:18 +0000</pubDate> <dc:creator><![CDATA[Brooke Obie]]></dc:creator> <category><![CDATA[Ratchets of the Bible]]></category> <category><![CDATA[fun Bible study]]></category> <category><![CDATA[gifs for your life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Jephthah]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Joshua]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Judges]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.districtdiva.com/?p=3306</guid> <description><![CDATA[As Christians in a worldly world, it’s very hard to find entertainment that encourages, inspires and strengthens our faith while also not being terrible (here’s looking at you, Kirk Cameron and all things TBN-related). Also, it’s just a proven fact that all people, regardless of race, sex, class or nationality,]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<div id="attachment_3366" style="width: 310px" class="wp-caption aligncenter"><a href="http://www.districtdiva.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/father_daughter_beach.jpg"><img class="size-medium wp-image-3366" alt="One last lift before I kill you" src="http://www.districtdiva.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/father_daughter_beach-300x200.jpg" width="300" height="200" /></a><p class="wp-caption-text">One last lift before I kill you</p></div> <p>As Christians in a worldly world, it’s very hard to find entertainment that encourages, inspires and strengthens our faith while also not being terrible (here’s looking at you, Kirk Cameron and all things TBN-related). Also, it’s just a proven fact that all people, regardless of race, sex, class or nationality, enjoy a bit of ratchetness and drama. These things are the intercultural unifiers. Unfortunately, the <em>Real Housewives from Hell</em>, <em>Love & Hoodrats </em>and other such shows can lead Christians down the unholy path of what my mother likes to call “communing with the Devil.”</p> <p>But fear not, Christians: I am starting a new series called “Ratchets of the Bible,” (<span style="text-decoration: underline;color: #0000ff"><strong><a href="http://www.districtdiva.com/category/ratchets-of-the-bible/" target="_blank"><span style="color: #0000ff;text-decoration: underline">I bought the url already</span></a>;</strong></span> don’t even try to steal this from me!). Fortunately, the Bible is chock full of tricks and ratchetness from which you can get your entire life. (For real, it was foretold in <strong><span style="text-decoration: underline"><span style="color: #0000ff"><a href="http://biblia.com/bible/nkjv/Pr4.20-22" target="_blank"><span style="color: #0000ff;text-decoration: underline">Proverbs</span></a></span></span></strong>, “The words of God giveth life.”)</p> <p>Take Jephthah, for example. This Old Testament warrior wanted to win a war against the dreaded Ammonites and, knowing God could help him do it, this ratchet made one of the dumbest and unnecessary bargains with God of all time. But don’t take my word for it; let’s go straight to the source.</p> <h3><span style="text-decoration: underline;color: #0000ff"><a href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Judges%2011:29-40" target="_blank"><span style="color: #0000ff;text-decoration: underline">Judges 11:29-40</span></a></span></h3> <div> <p>29 Then the Spirit of the Lord came on Jephthah. He crossed Gilead and Manasseh, passed through Mizpah of Gilead, and from there he advanced against the Ammonites. 30 And Jephthah made a vow to the Lord: “If you give the Ammonites into my hands, 31<b> whatever comes out of the door of my house to meet me when I return in triumph from the Ammonites will be the Lord’s, and I will sacrifice it as a burnt offering.”</b></p> <p><img alt="" src="https://ci5.googleusercontent.com/proxy/gQlz0mv-q3F3KeU7LzHvqcppeXpKzIGXJb3FU73UTcclDQMEEHMpgmsPVZqpwTbRvys1TnhRDOSEeSf2YsmHdFehnoJXgEwDb9SbFA2ziJUEcEs=s0-d-e1-ft#http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lr47xnHMyM1qbifwuo1_500.gif" /><b><br /> </b></p> <p>32 Then Jephthah went over to fight the Ammonites, and the Lord gave them into his hands. 33 He devastated twenty towns from Aroer to the vicinity of Minnith, as far as Abel Keramim. Thus Israel subdued Ammon.</p> <p>34 When Jephthah returned to his home in Mizpah, who should come out to meet him but his daughter, dancing to the sound of timbrels! She was an only child. Except for her he had neither son nor daughter. 3<b>5 When he saw her, he tore his clothes and cried, “Oh no, my daughter! You have brought me down and I am devastated. I have made a vow to the Lord that I cannot break.”</b></p> <p><img alt="" src="https://ci5.googleusercontent.com/proxy/WA1KF3kC9ErjBAw-ijqyvM2yQF3Oz14wwwZhhGwQNV2QX0RQbdSwwJm3KIjtkJYNCsE5Q4mlf1-F7tE4sASnWZ9jsDhwEcm2gZFW8X9864tciA=s0-d-e1-ft#http://s3.amazonaws.com/rapgenius/is_this_real_life101-1.gif" /></p> <p>36 “My father,” she replied, “you have given your word to the Lord. Do to me just as you promised, now that the Lord has avenged you of your enemies, the Ammonites. 37 <b>But grant me this one request,” she said. “Give me two months to roam the hills and weep with my friends, because I will never marry.”</b></p> <p><img alt="" src="https://ci4.googleusercontent.com/proxy/3gE51RKgvVi3vzk0g9rTEsuYHU6FvhWwNpssuEauMTw3aLXwrp-5oe7IAm7B3KCqx161jI9lPrwCbk3qNlp_aYISycz97L2PwEtAiJ1lvg0JX90=s0-d-e1-ft#http://31.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m86futqk7O1rwcc6bo1_250.gif" /></p> <p>38 “You may go,” he said. And he let her go for two months. She and her friends went into the hills and wept because she would never marry. 39 After the two months, she returned to her father, and he did to her as he had vowed. And she was a virgin.</p> <p><strong>From this comes the Israelite tradition 40 that each year the young women of Israel go out for four days to commemorate the daughter of Jephthah the Gileadite.</strong></p> </div> <p><img alt="" src="http://ioneglobalgrind.files.wordpress.com/2013/08/oprah-accept.gif?w=1024&h=600" /></p> <p><strong>THE TAKEAWAY</strong></p> <p>If you make a stupid promise to God that is in no way your place to make (like whether or not other people get to live based on your victory or defeat, for example) you don’t actually have to go through with it. God is not going to hold you to something He never asked you to do in the first place.</p> <p>What Jephthah should have learned from this foolishness was that God is merciful and helps us out in spite of ourselves. Just like when another warrior, Joshua, ridiculously asked God to make the “<span style="text-decoration: underline;color: #0000ff"><strong><a href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Joshua+10&version=NKJV" target="_blank"><span style="color: #0000ff;text-decoration: underline">sun stand stil</span></a>l</strong></span>” so that Joshua’s army could defeat his enemies. Of course, Joshua didn’t know then that the earth actually revolves around the sun and not the other way around, but you know what? God granted Joshua’s request and made it daylight a little longer for Joshua anyway. Know why? Because God perfects our imperfect requests. If Jephthah would’ve just learned that lesson, he wouldn’t have had to murder his daughter, blame God for it, and be crowned our Ratchet of the Week.</p> <p>Also, women (and men who give women relationship advice): <em>THERE ARE WORSE THINGS IN LIFE THAN NO MAN PUTTING A RING ON IT</em>. <em>LIKE BEING BURNT.TO.A.CRISP! </em>I really need you to know this. Blast you, patriarchy!</p> <p>Finally, let’s do the opposite of what the Israelites did and <em>not</em> celebrate the stupidity of others. Unless of course you’re sharing this blog post with all of your friends and family.</p> <p>I made you read the Bible! <img src="https://s.w.org/images/core/emoji/11/72x72/1f600.png" alt="😀" class="wp-smiley" style="height: 1em; max-height: 1em;" /></p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>http://www.brookeobie.com/districtdiva/ratchets-of-the-bible-jephthah/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>2</slash:comments> </item> </channel> </rss>