That Stuff I Don't LIke
Since I started this blog in 2009, I’ve been on a journey to grow closer to Christ — more of awesome Him, less of crappy me. But as I realize just how much more patient, loving and good God is than me, I’ve been second- and third- and fourth-guessing the things I don’t like.
For example, I’d been attending a church in Manhattan with a great pastor and nice people and a convenient 1:00 service that was only three subway stops away. But, I just couldn’t get into it. Imagine versions of Taylor Swift singing about Jesus and add drums and electric guitars, and I JUST COULDN’T GET INTO IT. I felt terrible about this. Why do you have to be so judgmental and awful, Diva?! After months of “suffering” through it, in the name of patience and love or whatever, I decided to stop “suffering” and start trying to enjoy it. I signed up to audition for the music ministry. They emailed me the track that I had to learn for the audition and after 60 seconds, I turned it off. No. No. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t. I bowed out of the audition as gracefully as possible with an “it’s not you, it’s me,” because it was me, and that was that. But when I shared my experience with a few other Christians in my realm, I was met with, Why do you have to be so judgmental and awful, Diva?! Oh.
A similar thing happened when the prospect of going on a date with a tall, nice-looking Christian minister (an on-paper jackpot for me). But there were soooo many concerns that I expressed to a few of these same folks, who, of course encouraged me not to “block my blessings” by being ‘so judgmental and awful, Diva!” This echoed in my mind as I’m sitting there listening to this guy who, I JUST COULDN’T GET INTO. The whole time I’m thinking: Like him! Like him! He loves Jesus! But, alas, I couldn’t do it.
As it turned out, my original concerns about this guy turned out to be 100% founded and I should’ve trusted my gut, and next time I will. And as it turned out, I found a church — 30 minutes away with the inconvenient times of 8AM and 1045AM– that sings ALL of my jams, complete with old skool organ riffing and a grandma singing “Oh! To Be Kept By Jesus!” And guess what? The church also has awesome preaching, ministry opportunities and an 80-year history of service in the community. THAT STUFF I LIKE!
And that ‘stuff,’ that awesome worship experience where I feel absolutely at home and open to receive whatever the Lord has for me, I would’ve missed out on, thinking I’m pleasing God by trying to be someone other than who He made me to be; someone different, palatable — a toned-down version of myself. Someone who likes Taylor Swift music and any man who proclaims Christ. But, Jesus knows me. He knew everything about me before He formed me in my mother’s womb. “The Spirit of God made me; the breath of the Almighty gives me life“! He MADE me to be an opinionated thinker with good sense and a gut worth trusting a majority of the time; He made me uninhibited so I can testify to the experiences He’s helped me through publicly and honestly, without embarrassment; He made me a person who values history and Black history, a lover of contemporary and old skool gospel, and a woman with a heart to please Him. And the greatest way I can please Him is to let Him transform what He needs to transform in me, but also to operate as a vessel for Him the way He created me at my core. It’s a slap in His face not to.
So as I work what my Father gave me, I’m learning to 1)Stop taking advice from people who don’t really seem to like me that much; 2) Realize that any person with a working brain makes “judgments” on a regular basis. That’s called using logic and reasoning to make a decision about life. Don’t feel bad about it; and 3) Trust who God is and who He created me to be for Him.
Being a Christian doesn’t mean you have to like everything; on the contrary, a transformation by the Holy Spirit ought to make you NOT like a lot of things you used to like before you met Him. Of course, being a Christian does mean that I shouldn’t try to make people feel bad if I don’t like what they happen to like or if I don’t worship how they happen to worship, or if I’m not attracted to what they bring to the table. I don’t have to be all:
But I also don’t have to make myself feel bad for not liking what I don’t like. In the famous words of Common, “If I don’t like it, I don’t like it! That don’t mean I’m hating.”
Werd. Church. and Amen
I have found myself in a similar experience, in regards to friends with well meaning advice. What I have come to learn is that just because I trust them and their opinion doesn’t mean it carries anymore weight then my own. God has blessed me with sound body and mind and I need to trust in Him and myself at the end of the day.
Thanks for reading and commenting, Rugi! That’s so true. No one’s opinion should matter more than God’s!