The Love Dare, Day 13: Love Fights Fair
Day 11, Love Cherishes, was so great. I gave a lot of unexpected love to people and people gave me a lot of unexpected love in return. I wish Day 11 could’ve lasted much longer. But all things come to an end. Day 12, “Love Lets Others Win,” was much harder — so much so that I’ve been on Day 12 for — awhile. Though I try always to apologize when the Holy Spirit is convicting me to apologize, I’m starting to feel, even among my fellow Christians, that I’m just always going to be in the wrong and other parties are always going to let me be in the wrong and as I keep “letting others win,” I lose. I get to be the loser. It’s starting to feel as if I’ll never hear someone say, “I’m going to let Brooke be great this time.” Which, of course, got me to thinking even more. Is that point: for me to be great? Is that all I want, every now and then, to be validated publicly as “in the right”? And if so, is that wrong?
I suppose I’ve concluded: yes and no. If our purpose as Christians is to glorify the Father, and we can glorify the Father by bringing peace to a situation (by accepting the blame or apologizing, even if we aren’t totally in the wrong), then it is wrong to choose our own desire to be publicly exonerated or validated over our purpose to glorify God. But it’s also not a “wrong” emotion, to desire public validation. It’s quite natural to desire this validation as is evidenced by God’s declaration over His creation, Adam and Eve in the Book of Genesis. He saw that they were “very good”. Of course, when Adam and Eve sinned, mankind was cut off from that validation, leaving us offspring with a deep yearning for validation, to be right, to be good. The problem, of course, is when we try to seek that validation in anyone or anything other than the One whose purpose it is to validate us: Christ. Christ who gave His life for us, who stands in our place so now when God looks upon us, He sees His perfect Son and not our physical flaws or our cattiness or our selfishness or any of our screw-ups. When it gets to be enough — that Christ sees us as right and good— then it will not matter to us as much whether people do. But it’s a process we’ll have to work on every day of this Christian life. And the opportunity to be pleasing to the God of this universe is a pretty great reason to keep trying! So let’s keep it moving.
Day 13: Love Fights Fair
Today’s Scripture: “If a house is divided against itself, that house will not be able to stand.” — Mark 3:25
The Love Dare writers, Stephen and Anna Kendrick, remind us in this chapter that conflict among human beings is an inevitability. No matter how great your relationships may have started out, the more you learn about each other, the more flaws start to show. As personalities start to wear on each other, the tests begin and we learn the true weight of our relationships. But through today’s Dare, to “fight fair,” we can learn to deal with conflict “in a way that you [both] come out healthier on the other side.”
Love, of course, is the vehicle that brings us to that destination safely. Love reminds us that our relationships are too valuable to be destroyed (as we learned about in more detail on Day 11). We’re reminded that our love for the people God has placed in our lives is more important than the fight and actually lead to a closer bond after the fight is over.
So, to fight fair, the Kendricks suggest establishing rules of engagement with the people in your life, lines that you all agree not to cross. But most important are the individual boundaries you set for yourself. The Kenricks offer these examples:
1. I will listen first before speaking. “Everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger” (James 1:19).
2. I will deal with my own issues up-front. “Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?” (Matthew 7:3)
3. I will speak gently and keep my voice down. “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (Proverbs 15:1).
They conclude by saying “Fighting fair means changing your weapons. … It should result in building a bridge instead of burning one down.” *Looks back on the bridges I burned this week…repents…*
Today’s Dare: Talk with your spouse/relative/friend about establishing healthy rules of engagement. If that person is not ready, right out your own rules to “fight” by. Resolve to abide by them when the next disagreement occurs.
Scripture to Meditate On: “Wisdom . . . is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere” (James 3:17).
This is awesome.