The Year Will Change, But Will You?
My second most retweeted tweet of 2014 (or ever) declared 2014 to be a “complete trash year”:
Clearly, no one will miss 2014. Complete trash year.
— #ShutItDown (@BrookeObie) December 24, 2014
At least about 300 others feel the same; To say it’s been a trying year would be an understatement. From the escalating police executions of Black people with impunity, to the rising rate of murder of transgender women of color to the increase in violence against women, the news and policies and legislation (both proposed and passed) in America this year have been heartbreaking, depressing, deflating, discouraging and many other adjectives.
In my professional life, however, I’ve been walking in complete increase, writing my first novel, securing an agent, graduating from a master’s program, landing a great job, finding a fantastic apartment and traveling the country. Socially, I took to the streets with protestors in D.C. and NYC and disrupted the system.
But spiritually, I swear I’ve regressed 6 years. Worse: I fear I’ve reached a new low.
So, I’ve been counting down the days and now hours until 2014 will be over and 2015 can begin, as if it’s the year’s fault. Because 2015 will be new. Unsullied. I’ll have a fresh start.
But so what?
Time is always going to turn over. 365 days from now, it’ll be a new year. 31 days from now, there’ll be a new month. 24 hours from now, a new day, 60 seconds from now, a new minute. One of life’s few guarantees is that time will continue moving forward–but will we?
I have now re-learned that it is extremely possible and not very difficult to stand still or even move exponentially backwards. I could do it in my sleep. It hasn’t been serving me. Or God. And definitely not anyone else. So, things have to change.
Being home over the holidays, while absolutely wonderful in so many ways, has shown me serious generational cycles of behavior and dysfunction that I have been repeating and do not want to repeat. So I wrote them down, along with the ways that I have been perpetuating these cycles in my own life and in others’ lives.
I want to work through these issues now instead of living in a comfortable denial, understanding that operating in truth and consciousness is freedom. Self-awareness, introspection and critical thinking are essential elements to wholeness. Wholeness and good spiritual/physical/emotional health are my top goals for 2015, and I can’t get there by deluding myself.
So next, I wrote down who I want to be.
I want to be loving to people who are not loving and not resent them for it because it’s just who I am.
I want to make people feel loved and supported and respected every time I communicate with them, no matter the circumstance.
I want people to see me and know me as a Christian and walk away from me feeling good about what being a Christian means.
I want to severely lower my expectations of others, understanding that within myself, I lack nothing.
I want to forgive easily, keeping no record of wrongdoings.
I want to relinquish all desperation, with this novel, with family, with life, with love, knowing that I manifest my desires easily and naturally.
I want to banish unhopefulness and join the optimistic people, repelling all evil from me and attracting every good thing to myself.
I want to be peace and bring peace into every circumstance I’m in.
I want to be love and bring love into every circumstance I’m in.
I want to operate in freedom and have my presence automatically liberate others.
So now, with full analysis of who I’ve been and who I am, I can get busy becoming who I want to be.
To all the people I have hurt this year, I am so sorry. I am full of regret. I would undo it if I could. What I can do is promise that I will not repeat this behavior another minute, let alone in the new year. I will make amends.
I choose to change and progress and live life more abundantly and bring abundant life with me, for as long as I have the time. Thankfully, God’s mercies are brand new every morning and through Christ, all things are possible.
Who do you want to be?