The Dithering of a District Diva

Recently–even in the midst of great success, like interviewing Dr. Maya Angelou(!!!!)–I’ve found myself feeling very hopeless.

I’ve been in New York for nearly a year now, and the things I’d hoped to have accomplished by now, I haven’t. Many things I want to have in life, I still don’t have. I am not where I want to be geographically, financially, spiritually, physically or emotionally. In short, I couldn’t feel more disoriented or disconnected than I’ve been feeling.

Then, God.

It seems that every time I am having these serious bouts with hopelessness, doubt or worry, God sends a Christian sister my way who is feeling the same way. Suddenly, the scriptures, the experiences I couldn’t recall for myself come flooding back for my sister.

“Don’t you remember the last time you were going through and you didn’t know how you were going to survive and God showed up right on time? Isn’t He the everlasting, never-changing God from six months ago?Acknowledge your hurt and tell God your doubts, but you better praise Him in the middle of this!
“You don’t think He sees you? You don’t think He hears you? He promised never to leave you, nor forsake you! When have you known Him to break His word? The word that comes from His mouth goes forth and accomplishes what He said it would accomplish. It will not return to Him void. Tell the Lord your sorrows but you better thank Him in advance for using this trial to grow your faith in Him!”

And my sister in Christ is encouraged. And then I remember my own hopelessness and start to think about the root of it.

Recently, my hope has been in a job to pay my bills and provide a comfortable life for me. So when my check is late, so is my hope! My hope has been in my professors to help me become the best writer I can, so when they disappoint, I have no hope! My hope has been in people to validate me and acknowledge my worth, so when they don’t, I despair and am left hopeless.

BUT the Bible says, “Oh, Israel, put your hope in the Lord, both now and forevermore.” An awesome free Christian meditation I listen to suggests we replace “Israel” with our own name and just keep repeating it. “Oh, (Diva), put your hope in the Lord, both now and forevermore.”

It works. It works because I remember not just the faithfulness of God to those those in the Bible or my friends or family, I remember who Christ has already proven Himself to be to ME. I know He’s a bill-payer, a burden-bearer, a very present help in the time of trouble, because when I needed all of those things and NO One was there, He was there. He’s faithful. He is not a man that He would lie. He deserves for all of my hope to be in He who has proven Himself over and over and over.

When I struggle with keeping the faith when things aren’t going how I planner, I tell em that it’s human nature. God knows we struggle. The Bible is full of godly folks who questioned God constantly. Even Christ cried, “Father, Father, why have You forsaken Me?” Of course God hadn’t forsaken His only Son whom He loved nor has He forsaken us, even when we feel hopeless.

Though God may not deliver us from trouble in the way we might hope, He will deliver us, in this world or the next. We may not get all the things we desire in this world. But if we remember that these things are temporary, that they fail and can never satisfy us the way God desires to, then we can learn to surrender our desires for these earthly things, knowing that if we seek FIRST the kingdom of God and His righteousness, everything else–stability, relationships, careers, children, EVERYTHING ELSE–will be added unto us.

Oh, loves, put your hope in the Lord, both now and forevermore!

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