Why Are Folks Hating on the Woman Who Married Herself?
On January 3, in an elaborate ceremony at the Houston Museum of African American Culture, Yasmin Eleby married herself on her 40th birthday. In a stunning purple and teal gown with a tiara atop her head and a bouquet of white roses, Eleby was walked down the aisle by her mother and given away–or, rather, given back to herself. With the help of 10 bridesmaids and 3 ministers, she vowed to love, honor and cherish herself during the spiritual ceremony.
Good.For.Her.
I’ve seen some really nasty comments and rude headlines mocking Eleby’s choice and her beautiful ceremony which I will not repeat or link to, and I really don’t understand why she’s been met with so much hate, particularly from Christian folks.
First, you probably don’t know Eleby and never will, so her marriage to herself will never impact your marriage to your spouse. Since we’re on the subject, nobody else’s marriage will impact your marriage just by virtue of its existence. Relax.
Second, some of us have internalized or misinterpreted Paul’s declaration that it is “better to marry than to burn.” Not always, my people, not always. Burning is a lot easier to fix than untangling yourself from a person you never should’ve married in the first place. Relax.
Third, families and society at large place so much of a woman’s value on her marital status. Is it any wonder that a wedding is something girls and women both desire with fervor? You tell a woman she’s worthless unless a man wants to marry her, then mock her when she marries herself and deems her own self worthy of being loved and celebrated. Shame!
But can you imagine how much happier folks would be if instead of just marrying any old person around because they want the validation that comes with getting “chose” or because society told them their value is tied to their marital status, they just put on a tiara, cut a cake and threw themselves a party? The world would be a better place. Until we end patriarchy, throwing a big party and marrying yourself seems like a wonderful stop-gap. Relax.
Fourth, some people would prefer that Eleby just be a happy single 40-year-old woman. Well, from the looks of her pictures, she seems to be just that. She just also happened to really want the big wedding, and the dress and the 10 bridesmaids and the 3 ministers and the cake and for her mother to walk her down the aisle. All of that made her happy. She got her special day. And most important of all, the idol of marriage and the pedestal of a wedding has been broken in her life. She can now move on and focus on other things. And that is beautiful. So relax. Relax. Relax!
On her Facebook page, Eleby said of the event:
“I was overwhelmed with the outpouring of love and support that was shown to me during my celebration of love and life. Shana, Sandra, James, Deidra, Rennette, Brandy, Ben, and Darrell: every word that was said and sung was absolutely perfect for the occasion.”
I couldn’t imagine the ceremony being any more poignant and meaningful. You really gave me, as well as everyone in that room, some valuable advice and things to think about. When I was singing ‘I Believe I Can Fly’ and got to the second verse I was instantly struck with the realization that I am indeed ‘flying!’ I’m doing so many things that I only dreamed about and never thought would be possible.”
And that’s wonderful. Congratulations, Yasmin! Happy birthday! God bless you on your new journey!
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