"Why, Oh Why Didn't I Take the Blue Pill?" A Year (and Life) In Review

December 31, 2013 by Brooke Obie Leave a comment

In August 2010, I wrote a post called “Red Pill, Blue Pill,” wherein I described my angst about the two awesome job offers I had and my difficulty choosing between them. Now that three years have passed, it’s very easy to feel like the complaints I have in my current life would have been non-existent had I only gone left at the fork. The words of the creepy guy from The Matrix come to mind: “Why, oh why didn’t I take the blue pill?”

At this juncture, first, can I just say that I’d kill something for one job offer, let alone two. Those were good times, 2010 Diva, and you didn’t enjoy it enough. Second, yes, my life might be totally different had I decided to be the host of an internet news show. My skin and hair would probably be way better, not to mention I’d probably be in the best shape of my life. I could’ve been a known-unknown instead of an unknown-unknown. And third, the encouragement that I received from so many people back then when I was wondering which path to choose turned out to be absolutely correct: either way I chose, I couldn’t lose.

My choice three years ago brought me exactly to this point in my life. Of course, if you had told me three years ago that this is where I’d be, living in Manhattan, writing full-time, watching for my checks in the mail in the off-chance that they might actually come on time or at least before bills are due or at least before I starve to death — and that this life was not at all as glamorous as I had imagined being a starving artist would be –I would never have believed you. I would never have imagined the lowest of lows I’ve seen or the highest highs these past three years have brought about. And I’ve learned that that’s just how God intended it.

In a Bible study I attended before I left D.C., a minister introduced me to Ecclesiastes 3:11, “He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.” This scripture has been used as the answer to why we long for the answers to things we can never have the capacity to understand. The best explanation I have received for this scripture is that the word “eternity” should be interpreted as “darkness,” or a “veil”; God has intentionally put a veil over the answers to some things, specifically so that we cannot fathom the things of God, both for our protection and for us to learn to depend on God for all of the answers, who has seen how the story ends because He wrote it!

God also gave me a story of my own to write. I have taken two years off from the real world to write this book, thinking that by the second year, I’d have a finished book and a book deal. With 5 months remaining in this two-year period, I’ve written a very good…half of a book. I’m scared to finish it. I’m scared it could be huge, bigger than my wildest dreams; I’m scared that after all the agony and buildup, it’ll be a plop in a pond and be flushed into obscurity. I’m scared that people who don’t understand how racism works will call me a racist. I’m scared that my people, who I wrote this book for, won’t like it or won’t care about it. ButI have received so much confirmation from God that He put this book in my spirit to write. So what choice do I have then but to write it?

What arrogance I’ve had not to trust Him! What pride I’ve been holding onto, to act as if God owes me all the answers before I move or obey Him. To think that God has to explain to me what His plans are for my life to my satisfaction before I can follow what the God of the universe, the author and finisher of my fate desires for my life.

In 2014, this is my promise to God: “My heart is not proud, LORD, my eyes are not haughty; I do not concern myself with great matters or things too wonderful for me.” (Psalm 131:1) I didn’t feel I had any clear calling from God three years ago to take one job over another. But this book is as clear as day. He didn’t tell me how or when or why, but He told me what to do and I’m just going to do it and do it with total humility.

And I’m also going to live in complete gratitude to God and acknowledge His many blessings. I complain a lot, but this has been an absolutely phenomenal year. I interviewed Dr. Maya Angelou, Aretha Franklin and Jennifer Hudson, among a ton of others; I sat front row at a the B. Michael America show at Fashion Week; I WENT TO STOCKHOLM, SWEDEN AND IT WAS EVERYTHING!! I danced to Blurred Lines (I hate that song) with Maxwell and he told me I smelled “amazing”! I served as the interim News & Lifestyle Editor of EBONY.com and transitioned into a contributing editor (Check out my column “The Spiritual Life” here!) I went on a beach trip with 32 family members in 2 condos for 1 week and it was so special. I spent an awesome week playing tour guide for my parents all over Manhattan for their 31st anniversary (which rivaled our trip to Paris for their 30th!) I wrote half a freakin BOOK! WOO! I watched my mother suffer through open heart surgery and then watched God heal her and my dad be so awesome and supportive in helping her heal. I’ve learned once again that Christ is a healer, a bill-payer, a heavy-load sharer, the true Prince of Peace, and the ultimate example of what love is. This was a fantastic year. I could not have asked for anything more!