The Dithering of a District Diva

“A man’s got to have a code.” Even the worst of (fictional) criminals seem to grasp that.

But recent events compel me to ask if such a concept — having a non-negotiable code to live by — is something that has been entirely lost on our generation? I ask because in less than a year’s time I have twice been mortified and heartbroken by public “scandals” at both of my alma maters that should never ever have been.

Because when I was a little girl, my mother pulled me aside before we went out and told me, “don’t embarrass me in public!” I don’t remember her saying it very often, because she didn’t have to. I just knew what it meant, and I knew better than to do it. And I didn’t do it.  It’s not that my family was perfect, or that I was a perfect child, or even that we wanted to portray an image of perfection to the outside world.  What was instilled in me to portray was a united front; no matter what was going on at home, we would not allow our family name to be demeaned by acting in an embarrassing fashion. Irrespective of our differences, we had a common goal to protect home, because if we burned the house down, where would we live?

By the public fall-outs at my alma maters, this must not be the universal code of the land.

The term “alma mater” is Latin, and means “nourishing mother” for a reason.  I love the two universities I attended because attending these two universities shaped who I am.  My successes in life are rooted in them and the lessons I learned from them. They are a mirror image of me and vice-versa. So, every time a student publicly trashes the name of my schools, my family name, they are trashing me. They trash themselves (and their job prospects!).

And though hearing about these incidents is like a dagger to my heart, I cannot say that I am shocked that they occurred.  For one, the age of the internet allows too many people a stage to say too many things to too many people around the world before their maturity level has an opportunity to catch up with their level of internet access.  But, beyond this, I have now accepted that we live in a country where –not a majority, but still — more people than I am comfortable with do not believe in the same “protect home” code.

They believe that President Obama’s historic and legendary act of passing health care legislation is “unAmerican” and “fundamentally” changing our nation to something that is “unrecognizable.”  This legislation, that will save families from being bankrupted by the cost of  their illnesses,  and ultimately save lives by banning discrimination against people with pre-existing conditions, is seen by some as the opposite of who we are and what we stand for.  Unimaginable.

And an even deeper horror comes from those few Christians who are misrepresenting Christ to the world, saying that Christ does not require us to invest in our brothers’ and sisters’ lives, to be a blessing to them in any way we can. To keep them.  But how can we be a “Christian nation” in one breath, yet demonize Christlike actions –especially in our government –at every turn? We are not called to be Christians when it is comfortable, or when it fits our budget or our narrative. That kind of thinking is the true “perversion of the Gospel.”

But what if, instead, we got back to the code? What if we could revert to a time when on a large scale family meant something, because when we looked at our family, we saw an actual reflection of ourselves?  What if we, as a society, not only saw our own likeness in other people, but also rid ourselves of our masochistic tendencies? If we did, we would be picking up bricks to build up, and not to destroy others, and, ultimately, not to destroy ourselves.

But I (intentionally) digress.

I do not believe that the reputation of either of my schools will be tarnished forever due to the acts of a few reckless and unassuming individuals. But I do challenge them, and others — and myself — to re-adopt a non-negotiable code for life, accepting that to build is to create life, and to destroy is to self-destruct. Stop burning your house down! (This world does not look favorably upon the homeless.) Instead, stand in the gap you see. Fight from the inside whenever possible, and fight because you have an unwavering passion for your school and what it could be and who you could be as a result of its impact on you. Change happens more quickly when you criticize from a place of love and productivity.

And foolishness won’t appear next to your name when you Google it. So, there’s that upside.

Let’s get back to family, people. Let’s get back to a code.

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