#Lent Day 24: Fasting Neutrality
I’m more than half-way through 40 Days of Decrease by Alicia Britt Chole, and it is not getting any easier. Today’s fast is about the Cross where Jesus was murdered. It symbolizes self-sacrifice, self-denial. And I’m finally able to articulate somewhat why this process of Decrease has been so difficult for me. As a Black woman in the world, I already barely exist to most people. Even those who have professed to love me find me expendable the moment any inconveniences arise for them. When I spell out what I need in order to feel loved and valued, I’m either ridiculed for voicing it or ignored, while others decide to love me in their own way, which works better for them. I fight to be seen and heard daily. In a world that devalues me, valuing myself is more than open rebellion, it is a revolutionary act. In this context, how can I be anything but uncomfortable with decrease? Aren’t I validating these people’s erasure of me if I decrease myself? God forbid. I don’t have the answer. Please pray with me.
Pingback: Letting Go of Ego, Surrendering to Love | The Dithering of a District Diva